[ ... And again, she finds herself in the same position. Again, she finds her mother before her, alive and ill, knowing she will die soon. Again, she watches her mother slip away. Why is she here? Because she answered the question.
Every moment spent with the people I love is worth it. Even if it hurts.
And so Jiuqing repeats this moment with her mother, more times than she can count, because slowly... Slowly with each repeat, she forgets. She starts forgetting the timeline she's from, she forgets that she saved her mother. She would forget the happier life she has with her. Jiuqing would forget the reason why she learned medicine. It's there, but for what? It stays in the back of her mind as now each new repetition doesn't feel like a repeat. Every cycle is a "new" experience, emotions raw and deep—she knows no better. Only towards the end of these loops is the question asked again and maybe she would answer the same, for the suffering she accumulated with each reset would only be the pain of that moment. Being forced to forget means she wasn't allowed the comfort of desensitizing the pain. She wasn't allowed to become numb. However, she can stay naive. She can stay hopeful. She can continue to believe in her answer.
But then it floods.
It floods like a dam has broken, all the pain of each cycle. The memories of past loops and the pain of losing her mother comes in tens, hundreds, thousands, millions—it rushes to her as this question again is posed to her. She doesn't remember the hope of saving her mother, how she succeeded, instead she's reminded of how she's only fifteen... And couldn't save her so many times.
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And so Jiuqing repeats this moment with her mother, more times than she can count, because slowly... Slowly with each repeat, she forgets. She starts forgetting the timeline she's from, she forgets that she saved her mother. She would forget the happier life she has with her. Jiuqing would forget the reason why she learned medicine. It's there, but for what? It stays in the back of her mind as now each new repetition doesn't feel like a repeat. Every cycle is a "new" experience, emotions raw and deep—she knows no better. Only towards the end of these loops is the question asked again and maybe she would answer the same, for the suffering she accumulated with each reset would only be the pain of that moment. Being forced to forget means she wasn't allowed the comfort of desensitizing the pain. She wasn't allowed to become numb. However, she can stay naive. She can stay hopeful. She can continue to believe in her answer.
But then it floods.
It floods like a dam has broken, all the pain of each cycle. The memories of past loops and the pain of losing her mother comes in tens, hundreds, thousands, millions—it rushes to her as this question again is posed to her. She doesn't remember the hope of saving her mother, how she succeeded, instead she's reminded of how she's only fifteen... And couldn't save her so many times.
... Was it worth it? ]