she couldn't stop it. again, she thinks, as the memories of the loops sink back in, as the pain settles itself in her heart and under her skin. there's no way out of this. no matter what she does, her mother dies. whether she stays at her side the whole way through and talks to her, whether she leaves to try to find herbs or tea to ease her pain -
nothing works. it's left her worn down, exhausted, and out of ideas.]
Mother.
[her voice is raw and ragged.]
I'm sorry.
[she doesn't know if she can keep doing this.
to her, her mother will always be worth it. but right now, it hurts so much that she can't think straight.
was it worth it?
the question comes again, and jiuqing catches herself shaking her head, just the slightest bit.
she wants to save as many people as she can, but most of all, she wants to save her mother.
but putting her mother through this pain, repeatedly, isn't worth her pride as a doctor. or rather - her pride as a doctor isn't worth her mother's life. she can set that aside, she can admit it's not worth it, if it stops her mother from being in pain.]
no subject
jiuqing stares down at her mother's body,
she couldn't stop it. again, she thinks, as the memories of the loops sink back in, as the pain settles itself in her heart and under her skin. there's no way out of this. no matter what she does, her mother dies. whether she stays at her side the whole way through and talks to her, whether she leaves to try to find herbs or tea to ease her pain -
nothing works. it's left her worn down, exhausted, and out of ideas.]
Mother.
[her voice is raw and ragged.]
I'm sorry.
[she doesn't know if she can keep doing this.
to her, her mother will always be worth it. but right now, it hurts so much that she can't think straight.
was it worth it?
the question comes again, and jiuqing catches herself shaking her head, just the slightest bit.
she wants to save as many people as she can, but most of all, she wants to save her mother.
but putting her mother through this pain, repeatedly, isn't worth her pride as a doctor. or rather - her pride as a doctor isn't worth her mother's life. she can set that aside, she can admit it's not worth it, if it stops her mother from being in pain.]
I'm so sorry...