she trusted people she shouldn't have trusted, and paid the price for it. she had wanted to believe that her aunt had also mourned her mother, and that she had cared for her, but she hadn't. she'd believed wholeheartedly when her cousin had told her that she was her favorite person in the world, that the affection she treated her with was genuine, that when she called her sister it was because she loved her, not because she was her father's bastard child, not because she was coveting her place as the eldest daughter of the su family.
at her heart, jiuqing is not a distrustful person. she wants to be able to put her trust in others. it's only when they prove that she can't that she hardens her heart against them. with each loop, with each piece of knowledge lost, the betrayal seems fresh, and she carries that hope with her that maybe it's just a misunderstanding.
but then it all comes rushing in at once.
every time, it played out the same.
no matter what she did.
she failed. she failed herself, and she failed percy. the prism has made him into the monster he was so sure he would become. she couldn't stop it from happening, she'd never been able to stop it from happening.
it hurts so much.
was it worth it?
she sobs, this time, as her life bleeds out of her.
no subject
she trusted people she shouldn't have trusted, and paid the price for it. she had wanted to believe that her aunt had also mourned her mother, and that she had cared for her, but she hadn't. she'd believed wholeheartedly when her cousin had told her that she was her favorite person in the world, that the affection she treated her with was genuine, that when she called her sister it was because she loved her, not because she was her father's bastard child, not because she was coveting her place as the eldest daughter of the su family.
at her heart, jiuqing is not a distrustful person. she wants to be able to put her trust in others. it's only when they prove that she can't that she hardens her heart against them. with each loop, with each piece of knowledge lost, the betrayal seems fresh, and she carries that hope with her that maybe it's just a misunderstanding.
but then it all comes rushing in at once.
every time, it played out the same.
no matter what she did.
she failed. she failed herself, and she failed percy. the prism has made him into the monster he was so sure he would become. she couldn't stop it from happening, she'd never been able to stop it from happening.
it hurts so much.
was it worth it?
she sobs, this time, as her life bleeds out of her.
her last thought -
i wanted it to be.]