saturations | Week 6 cyoa: hei, jiuqing, vin, and kashuu

[son of a bitch.

jiuqing sets the cup of tea down somewhere safe and rushes over to her mother's beside.]

Mother?

[ Mother... Mother does not answer. She does not stir. When Jiuqing comes closer, she will see that her chest does not raise, but maybe that's due to the thick blanket covering her? Perhaps she's resting. ]

[she reaches for her mom's wrist and feels for a pulse.]

Mother, please, don't scare me like this...

[ Her mother's wrist is warm because she was just talking to her before! But the pulse... It's faint with too long of a pause between each beat.

She's dying. Her last moment is near. There's a finality of it all, how her mother stills in this bed, how she doesn't react to her daughter's call, and how she's slowly drifting away. This was the last thing she wanted to do to Jiuqing. There was so much she wanted to tell her.

There's only silence. What will Jiuqing do? What can she do? ]

[jiuqing's hand shifts, so that instead of feeling for her mother's pulse, she's holding her hand. her other hand comes up to join it, holding it between both of hers. she can't help the way tears stream down her cheeks.]

Mother, I love you.

[don't go.]

[ Mother doesn't respond, she can't, but she desperately hopes Jiuqing knows how much she loves her. How much she wishes her to live a good life after she's gone, that she will watch over her from the heavens. Her Jiuqing... If only she had the strength to tell her what she wanted before she left.

At least she may pass with her daughter by her side. She is not alone when her soul is snuffed and her hand is limper than before. What life found in her pulse is gone, silent. It's silent in this room.

...

WAS IT WORTH IT?

Would you know love only to lose it? To watch your mother accept that man into her life, to forgive him, to allow him to dally with your aunt, to accept these parasites that would soon poison her... It does not change that her kindness edges negligent. Her kindness would leave you, her precious daughter, alone in this room.

This is the question Jiuqing finds asked to her, from where she doesn't know, but it feels like it comes from within. It is invasive. It festers like an infection, spreads like a virus. ]

Edited (i can't type) 2022-03-30 06:37 (UTC)

[unfair.

unfair, that her mother had to suffer at all. unfair, that she's left her now. unfair, that she's had to live this moment so many more times than she ever wanted to - first in her original life, and then again the week of those memories, within the prism... and now...

she chokes on her tears.

was it worth it?]

...shut up!

[jiuqing's hands are now clenched so tightly into fists that her fingernails are digging into her palms.]

My mother was worth everything!

[ ... And Jiuqing would answer.

My mother was worth everything.

Again, she's in the room and nothing is out of place. She's beside her mother's bed, holding onto her hand while fingers run through her hair. In only a few minutes, her mother would lie down and find her end... She knows this, but right now her mother is alive until then. Is this a second chance when she knows that her mother will die again? ]

[again.

this isn't natural. at her core, jiuqing knows this. her mother died, and she died, and she came back, and - before the prism, she was alive. she was safe. this is a memory. it's not real, and it will never be real.

but it feels real, in this moment. she knows what's happening, but she doesn't know how to stop it.]

Mother. [her voice comes out in a whisper.] Save your strength, please...

Save your words... I know my time is coming, Jiuqing.

[ ... And her mother would die, but this time being able to exchange words with her. Tears well in her eyes, begging for more time to be with Jiuqing. In truth, even if she believes Jiuqing will be successful... She believes she will marry a bright man, will bring into the world a wonderful family, she fears not being there. She wants to be there to see it all. Each word that flows is slow, but emotional.

And in her struggle to tell Jiuqing all of this, she ends... Leaning forward, head hanging like a ragdoll.

It comes again, the question.

WAS IT WORTH IT? ]

[her mother...

tears well in her eyes, too, and as her mother struggles, she hangs on to her every word, listening carefully, and then easing her down to rest when her time has come. she ends up leaning forward, but jiuqing carefully settles her back, then brings up a hand to close her eyes.

she can almost believe she's sleeping peacefully.

the question, again. jiuqing seethes, as it prickles under her skin.]

...every moment spent with the people I love is worth it. Even if it hurts.

[ ... And again, she finds herself in the same position. Again, she finds her mother before her, alive and ill, knowing she will die soon. Again, she watches her mother slip away. Why is she here? Because she answered the question.

Every moment spent with the people I love is worth it. Even if it hurts.

And so Jiuqing repeats this moment with her mother, more times than she can count, because slowly... Slowly with each repeat, she forgets. She starts forgetting the timeline she's from, she forgets that she saved her mother. She would forget the happier life she has with her. Jiuqing would forget the reason why she learned medicine. It's there, but for what? It stays in the back of her mind as now each new repetition doesn't feel like a repeat. Every cycle is a "new" experience, emotions raw and deep—she knows no better. Only towards the end of these loops is the question asked again and maybe she would answer the same, for the suffering she accumulated with each reset would only be the pain of that moment. Being forced to forget means she wasn't allowed the comfort of desensitizing the pain. She wasn't allowed to become numb. However, she can stay naive. She can stay hopeful. She can continue to believe in her answer.

But then it floods.

It floods like a dam has broken, all the pain of each cycle. The memories of past loops and the pain of losing her mother comes in tens, hundreds, thousands, millions—it rushes to her as this question again is posed to her. She doesn't remember the hope of saving her mother, how she succeeded, instead she's reminded of how she's only fifteen... And couldn't save her so many times.

... Was it worth it? ]

[was it worth it?

jiuqing stares down at her mother's body,

she couldn't stop it. again, she thinks, as the memories of the loops sink back in, as the pain settles itself in her heart and under her skin. there's no way out of this. no matter what she does, her mother dies. whether she stays at her side the whole way through and talks to her, whether she leaves to try to find herbs or tea to ease her pain -

nothing works. it's left her worn down, exhausted, and out of ideas.]

Mother.

[her voice is raw and ragged.]

I'm sorry.

[she doesn't know if she can keep doing this.

to her, her mother will always be worth it. but right now, it hurts so much that she can't think straight.

was it worth it?

the question comes again, and jiuqing catches herself shaking her head, just the slightest bit.

she wants to save as many people as she can, but most of all, she wants to save her mother.

but putting her mother through this pain, repeatedly, isn't worth her pride as a doctor. or rather - her pride as a doctor isn't worth her mother's life. she can set that aside, she can admit it's not worth it, if it stops her mother from being in pain.]

I'm so sorry...

Edited 2022-03-30 07:21 (UTC)

[ The black bird watches her closely, silent… In the end, Jiuqing’s answer is still love.

The scene ends and all goes black. Those memories, that suffering, it gets sealed away. She won’t remember that struggle (for) now.

A new scene commences—it is the meeting hall in the Prism and it is the third week. Saturday. Trial day. Jiuqing will know who’s the killer of Chang Geng, one of the bodies found yesterday, but before she could make an accusation…

Percival, her dear friend and the murderer, accuses her first. ]

—what?

[jiuqing stares at percival.

it should be loud here in the meeting hall, but her world has narrowed down to this: the knowledge that percy is the one who killed chang geng, and the accusation he's made against her.

he had warned her, hadn't he?

but you must never trust me, do you understand?

she'd trusted him anyway, despite that. her trust isn't easily given, but she had believed he'd earned it, and now -

she shakes her head.]

That's... that's not true. You know it isn't true.

The evidence is stacking against you, Jiuqing.

[ … She must understand that any person would do what they must to survive. Percival is no different. Or at least… The Percival now.

When he presents the evidence, it seems damning, but to Jiuqing she can see some of it is conjecture or planted. Whether it be that one of her secondary colors this week is amber or her token count didn’t add up to fake footprints… A familiar fabric from her robe on the scene. The fact that it must have been someone Chang Geng was comfortable with, based on the two teacups in the game room.

Percival lists this all, explains it methodically, and leaves no room for her to argue. He’s intimidating her, cornering her.

… He knows she’s innocent and he’s framing her. ]

That's—

[it's not damning, she wants to scream. they just need to think. there are plenty of others who can use amber this week; why should that point to her? her token count does add up, she's never missed one of their tasks. the fabric from her robe - why on earth would she wear something to trial that she committed murder in, anyway? she's not that stupid. and percy, he's the one who found that scrap of fabric at the scene. who's to say it was there to begin with?

he could have pulled that scrap from her today, while they were in this meeting hall.

and there were others chang geng was comfortable with. it doesn't mean it was her. why would she ever want to hurt him?]

This isn't right! You must know, this isn't right. I would never...

[she isn't refracting, but how is anyone meant to believe her? she can see motion out of the corner of her eyes - the nodding of heads - and she shakes her head, a little desperate, and pleads to them.]

Even if I was refracting, I wouldn't choose to kill Sir Chang! Just think about it. He's trained to fight; I am not. I'm not stupid enough to pick a fight I couldn't win.

[and then, to percy - ]

How could you do this to me?

You wouldn’t need to fight. The gumball would do it for you. [ Simple, but true. ] … It hurts me to do this.

[ The audacity in this man right now… He’s even looking at Jiuqing with these hurt eyes, like he is at all the victim when everyone’s gaze lands on her. Vax, of all people, watches this happen without a word. In the end, it’s his brother-in-law and close friend’s life over hers. Not all of their trials have been won by hard, conclusive evidence, so people… They start talking. They start theorizing.

Maybe Jiuqing killed Chang Geng.

So many people in the meeting hall is disheartened by this because they care for her, but some ask about refracting—then others start explaining the small effects. For the most part, what is explained is that their presence disrupts the Prism. They don’t know how and they wrack their brain over it. I need to make this timeline compliant to snipe her.

Typical of trial, people get sidetracked.

They have no leads on Chinatsu’s killer. The time is ticking… five minutes left. What will she beg now? How? ]

You know this isn't the truth.

[she wants to appeal to the good she knows is in percy. this isn't right, she thinks. he would never do this to me.

but it's happening right now. closing her eyes to the reality of her situation (even if it isn't actually reality) won't do her any good. she tries to theorize with the others at the trial - she may not be able to get them to see what percy has done (explaining how the evidence could have fit him, too, only makes people think she's retaliating against him for the accusation), but she tries to get them to focus on chinatsu's murder.

it doesn't work.

five minutes to go, with no leads, and suspicion still lays thick and heavy over her.

unfortunately, with a roll of 4, she doesn't notice the black bird if it's still there, observing.]

Please.

[she addresses the group a large, instead.]

I beg you to see reason. I'm innocent, and you will all sorely regret it if you cast your votes for me. We don't have much time left, that there is still time. Please, believe me...

[ The black bird is always here… It is simply watching.

Okay, jiuqing just going like y’all WILL SEE! YOU WILL ALL REGRET KILLING BOTH YOUR HEALERS! That kind of attitude is unexpected and takes everyone off their guard. Quickly, half of the room starts throwing names for Chinatsu. Percival himself tries to look through her case’s evidence, too.

The other half talks about how they shouldn’t just… Out their doctor like that. They’ve already lost one. They shouldn’t lose another.

There's the distant sound of a clock. Nine slow, steady tolls! And at the last one, the fire in the furnace rises abruptly. The flame is a bright, neon, rainbow blast of heat, just for a moment. The fire spits out a piece of paper, and Bass unsteadily reaches up to catch it with a staticky tendril. After reading it, they say aloud:

"Jiuqing, Marceline, Garou, Percy, Vanille, Malik, and Kazunari received votes. But only one received the majority."

Behind them, an image comes up over the fire, followed by her name. She can’t see it. She can’t see the verdict. It’s blank for her, but everyone’s reaction is grim rather than devastated.

A splash of copper releases from the ceiling and extinguishes the fire. However, Bass pauses to read the rest of the paper with a little sigh. And then shows it to the other Residents. There's a hush for a long moment, before Bass starts again, reading aloud from the paper once more.

"... The convicted can choose execution, or... combat against one of you. Whichever she wants." ]

[me staring at typos in my last tag like... okay... i guess that is why i conked out...]

What...

[jiuqing doesn't understand.

how could this happen? she knows. she knows she didn't do anything. why did so many people vote for her? there's a spread of them, but - how? and what's with those reactions? she didn't... she didn't do it...

she shudders, her hands clenched tight into fists, and looks down at her feet.]

...combat.

[it's the only option she has, really.

execution so far has been a guaranteed death sentence.

but at least with combat she has a chance of coming out alive.]

[ Jiuqing chooses combat… And as she knows, this option is also voluntary. The person she would face tomorrow would be someone who also chose to become her executioner. She would meet the eyes of someone who would choose to spare or kill her… That is the Prism’s reality, but maybe someone would be kind. There are many self-sacrificial people here, unfortunately.

She’s whisked to her own archway, a jail that is influenced by her very self and cognitive state. Even if made pleasant to an extent, the word “execution” looms, foreboding, thick, and heavy. Some visit her, those with questions, and yet all of them doubt her. None of them would come with the thought of her innocence.

Then… When execution day comes, she sees who walks beside her is Percival himself. He signed up—why. After condemning her to this fate, why has he decided to become her executioner? It would be ridiculous to accuse someone, then go into execution to die for them.

And that is true. When they both are given the magical paint gun, he does not hesitate. He is here to silence her… Forever, even if she protests and claim her innocence for all those watching to hear, no one responds.

Jiuqing dies in combat. It wasn’t swift, it wasn’t gentle, and she suffered long before her end.

The question returns.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

To know friendship only to be given betrayal? To let someone in, to bare and share wounds, only for your kindness to be turned against you? Exploited. Defamed. Disposed. Percival committed to all these crimes against your friendship in the span of Thursday night to Sunday afternoon.

Do the soft and good moments assuage the pain? Are there no regrets? ]

Edited 2022-03-30 15:22 (UTC)

[she'd tried her best to survive, but in the end, it hadn't been enough.

and even if it had been - many times, during the fight, she recalls the visits of the others to her archway. if she'd defeated percy, what would have happened next? would they have allowed her to live? any of them? it's been three weeks since the killings started; a month since they'd all arrived in the prism.

maybe she had trusted them to soon. certainly, they wouldn't have trusted her after that. would they continue to believe she had refracted? killed her, to prevent her from killing someone else? she never would have, not ever - even combat had just been a last-ditch attempt to survive, in the hope that she would be facing soemone she knew to be guilty - but would they see it that way?

vax would have chosen percy over her. he did choose percy over her, at the trial, and she knows that's only natural. they're comrades, after all. united by their many long years of friendship. and brothers, too, united by their ties to each other and to vax's sister.

if she had walked out of there, she doesn't think it would be long before she felt the sting of one of vax's many knives at her throat.

and she doesn't think that anyone would have blamed him for it, either.

it hurts. letting people in past the surface had been a difficult process - it's easy to be friendly, but much harder to trust, to really let someone in - and in the end, it's the people you care for the most who have the capacity to hurt you the most.

was it worth it?

she wishes it was. she wanted it to be. she hadn't trusted him lightly, and yet -

as she dies, she's filled with fury. unfair, she thinks through the pain. he wasn't himself. if not for that, he wouldn't have...

but there's that small, nagging doubt at the back of her mind that she can't shake.

wouldn't he? are you sure of that? you trusted your aunt, and she killed your mother. you trusted your cousin, and she killed you. you trusted your friend, and he let you die for his crimes.

was that trust worth that pain?

is there anything she could have done differently? anything at all? are her struggles worth it? will he even be okay, on that side? if she dies, and he's still refracted, what will happen to him?

...they'll save him.

if he can come back to himself... if he can be okay again...

she hates it, and she won't claim there's no resentment at all, that she didn't want to live, that she wouldn't have killed him if she'd overpowered him in that fight - but if percy can regain himself and be safe, then even if she can't shake the horror of her suffering, at least they'll have that.

was it worth it?

...if he'll be alright, it's worth it.

death isn't always the end. she knows that firsthand.]

[ She answers the question.

... If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

Because she knows that Percival would stop refracting... He would return to himself and see what he had done. Maybe she can picture him beside himself, mulling and stewing in his deeds. This comforts her as she chooses this path. Like before, not that she remembers, this scenario repeats countless of times. First, with memory of the past cycles, but then she forgets bit by bit. Every cycle becomes new and fresh, then the knowledge that people can be saved from refraction gone. The hope and knowledge of the dead still being among them... Gone. Death. Death is now permanent to her as she forgets.

Not every cycle is the same. She tries all she can, she makes different choices, she even approaches Percival before he makes his accusation. Maybe, in some instances, she reassures Percival she is on his side. They are allies, friends. She will always be, so don't... Throw her away like this. Jiuqing is a person, not an obstacle.

Yet Percival makes the same choices with no remorse to be found in his steely gaze. He points at her, he accuses her, he makes all of the Prism condemn her, and he kills her. She dies in execution each loop, struggling—"death" becomes the last embrace she would ever have.

The question comes again...

If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

Her answer should be the same, shouldn't it? She still has that naive, foolish hope because each betrayal was new. It was "once," but like before all of her memories flood in as she ponders on the question again.

Was it worth it? ]

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