the prism (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
saturations) wrote2022-03-28 05:46 pm
saturations) wrote2022-03-28 05:46 pm
Entry tags:
Week 6 cyoa: hei, jiuqing, vin, and kashuu
spoiler warnings: ff14 heavensward and some light endwalker elements
content warnings: violence, death, war, terrorism (short), brief mentions/references for eyegore, brief mention/reference for decapitation, depression, suicidal ideation (nihilist flavor), suicide, dragons and monsters eating people
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He's died once before, after all - a death for a sword, a spirit, a deity, and not a human. There was no soft, golden light to embrace him after the flames of dismantlement faded. There was only a vast expanse of nothing. Silence. Loneliness. His fractured conscience, which could only recall glimmers of light and regret.
He finds that he doesn't terribly mind returning to this darkness that he's known so well and for so very, very long. After the agonies of the last few hours, it feels like a reprieve, somehow. ...But at the same time, as he perceives this bird, he can't help but feel a flare of anger.
"What does grief look like for you?"
"Like a dream you can't wake up from. ...No. I think it just looks like living."
He speaks with the mouth he doesn't have.]
Being alive is just like that. You struggle and you suffer. It's not in any sword's fate to meet a gentle end.
[He accepts this.]
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It was always his voice. ]
It can end.
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It won't.
[He says it with the air of crisp finality that he can dredge up at times, speaking to his age and his place in a pantheon of gods. A creature beyond humanity, who oversees and lives among them all at once.]
Life will always push forward, in good ways and in bad ways.
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[ This Kashuu says it as fact, cold and without emotion. It's the gaze of a sword who has seen too many battles, a sword who has lost too many people. He raises a hand and they're taken back to the scene at the end of their first dragon fight.
Watching the scene together in third person, they watch Kashuu chase after Kanesada. Except, they draw closer to the sword being chased. These are his moments before Kashuu found him in the snow.
Kanesada, full of so much unsettled rage and sorrow, finds the dragon that took kunihiro's life. He was victorious, but it didn't bring the waki back. The sword in his hand rattles as he bites back the words, these are the words that should be condemned by the Touken Ranbu. The past is the past and they must look into the future.
"Bring him back... Bring him back!"
And Kanesada, knowing well Kunihiro will not return, starts carving this dragon corpse. Mutilating beyond recognition. He loses his mind, himself, and he is no longer Kanesada. ]
Is this living?
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He's wanted to say things like this, too. Words that build up in the back of his throat, words that he pushes back with a vehemence, a violence. The life they lead is an unfair one. They were crafted and given no choice in any matter, and even after being granted human bodies, their fates are still miserable.
It's the same for many humans, in the end.
He hates this reflection just as much as what it shows him, just as much as he hates himself.]
You should know I hate pointless questions.
[Life is misery, and suffering, and grief. Maybe it does bring more bad than good.]
Why the hell d'you think it's up to you to end anything anyway, huh? Don't be so self-absorbed, it's not cute at all.
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[ Kashuu copy is also a mean girl. It is him, after all.
They can bite at each other with words all they want, but the scene changes... It is Falcon's Nest with Haurchefant and Vax—but clearly it isn't Haurchefant anymore. It is Yasusada, holding the shield to block the incoming arrow of light that would surely snipe Kashuu and Vin. They watch as the shield breaks, the arrow crosses through.
Yasusada dies.
He dies with a smile... But this Kashuu frowns at the sight because—they're not happy. Quickly, monochrome Kashuu turns to him and yells, clearly upset and emotional watching Yasusada die. ]
I am saying the things you want to say!
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It hurts him to see that, too, even know it's not-- real. But it could have been, and it nearly was, and he does hate so very, very badly that people continue to endanger themselves for his sake. Does he really want to be here, away from everyone he loves, because he's that afraid of hurting or being hurt again and again? Is he that much of a coward?
There's no one here to lash out at but himself, so he does.]
Well, shut up and stop saying them, then—!! I don't wanna hear it!
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[ And this one... It is Okita. This scene where it should be Aymeric fighting the monsters and dragons alone, worried for his people, it flickers to show it's Okita with a smile. In his hand is a unworthy sword, one from Ishgard, but he makes use of it.
He kills, he saves, and he's living for it even if he must pause to cough up blood. The disease... It's catching up to him now, but then he locks his gaze onto someone he thinks is familiar. It's a pretty, small and cute boy. It reminds him of his sword which he doesn't have.
... He misses his swords.
Without thinking, Okita casts cover onto Kashuu and takes the damage for him. He was already on the edge and now this is his end. ]
No one can love us forever! Why live?!
[ But then there's a voice... It's a familiar voice that comes to Kashuu. It gives him warmth, it ushers him on.
"I love you. I'm here. We're here."
Don't lose hope. ]
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It's that familiar voice that he reaches out to with desperation, holding onto it so very, very tightly. As he can expect, it's always, always him.]
Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking—!! I don't care what you want!! I wanna go back - I don't wanna be here again!!
[The peace has passed, the memory of hundreds of years of nothingness pressing down on him instead. He doesn't want to be alone again, even if it hurts to be with others.]
I'm leaving!!
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[ Monokuma Kashuu speaks this calmly like before, like he has accepted this. They can be without emotions. They don't need to hurt, but then when Kashuu keeps saying he wants to go back, the copy falters a bit.
And the void it glitches, to show all of Kashuu's sad past, even gruesome and hurtful thing that has transpired in his long sword life, including here in the Prism. ]
We... We don't want to go back. We... Don't want to go back to a world takes love away from us.
[ He says that, but there's a crack in this copy that Kashuu can easily see. This is his mirror, after all. He can see, here and now, that this copy needs reassurance.
... Kashuu himself needs that reassurance.
Another voice comes, ushering Kashuu to not lose hope: "When you broke, I wanted to be by your side. Even if I couldn't have done anything. Even if it didn't change anything."
He must fight this. He must not succumb. ]
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Now won't be any different.
...But it's hard, isn't it? To push forward alone. There must be some part of him, then, that knows this. That wants to hide from the suffering. That doesn't want to have love, only to lose it. Maybe it's okay for that part to exist, even if it's ugly, even if it's unpleasant.
He's quiet for a second, sitting with his thoughts and with his painfully human heart.]
--We do. We wanna go back. Even if it hurts, even if life is scary and sad... It's been worth it all these years, hasn't it? We kept going after all this time.
[Not even death could stop him.]
Let's go. Yasusada's waiting... Everyone's waiting.
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This black void—it blooms with flowers. ]
... They're waiting for us.
[ This Kashuu disappears. In this test of wills, Kashuu overcame his despair. ]