saturations | Week 6 cyoa: hei, jiuqing, vin, and kashuu

[me staring at typos in my last tag like... okay... i guess that is why i conked out...]

What...

[jiuqing doesn't understand.

how could this happen? she knows. she knows she didn't do anything. why did so many people vote for her? there's a spread of them, but - how? and what's with those reactions? she didn't... she didn't do it...

she shudders, her hands clenched tight into fists, and looks down at her feet.]

...combat.

[it's the only option she has, really.

execution so far has been a guaranteed death sentence.

but at least with combat she has a chance of coming out alive.]

[ Jiuqing chooses combat… And as she knows, this option is also voluntary. The person she would face tomorrow would be someone who also chose to become her executioner. She would meet the eyes of someone who would choose to spare or kill her… That is the Prism’s reality, but maybe someone would be kind. There are many self-sacrificial people here, unfortunately.

She’s whisked to her own archway, a jail that is influenced by her very self and cognitive state. Even if made pleasant to an extent, the word “execution” looms, foreboding, thick, and heavy. Some visit her, those with questions, and yet all of them doubt her. None of them would come with the thought of her innocence.

Then… When execution day comes, she sees who walks beside her is Percival himself. He signed up—why. After condemning her to this fate, why has he decided to become her executioner? It would be ridiculous to accuse someone, then go into execution to die for them.

And that is true. When they both are given the magical paint gun, he does not hesitate. He is here to silence her… Forever, even if she protests and claim her innocence for all those watching to hear, no one responds.

Jiuqing dies in combat. It wasn’t swift, it wasn’t gentle, and she suffered long before her end.

The question returns.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

To know friendship only to be given betrayal? To let someone in, to bare and share wounds, only for your kindness to be turned against you? Exploited. Defamed. Disposed. Percival committed to all these crimes against your friendship in the span of Thursday night to Sunday afternoon.

Do the soft and good moments assuage the pain? Are there no regrets? ]

Edited 2022-03-30 15:22 (UTC)

[she'd tried her best to survive, but in the end, it hadn't been enough.

and even if it had been - many times, during the fight, she recalls the visits of the others to her archway. if she'd defeated percy, what would have happened next? would they have allowed her to live? any of them? it's been three weeks since the killings started; a month since they'd all arrived in the prism.

maybe she had trusted them to soon. certainly, they wouldn't have trusted her after that. would they continue to believe she had refracted? killed her, to prevent her from killing someone else? she never would have, not ever - even combat had just been a last-ditch attempt to survive, in the hope that she would be facing soemone she knew to be guilty - but would they see it that way?

vax would have chosen percy over her. he did choose percy over her, at the trial, and she knows that's only natural. they're comrades, after all. united by their many long years of friendship. and brothers, too, united by their ties to each other and to vax's sister.

if she had walked out of there, she doesn't think it would be long before she felt the sting of one of vax's many knives at her throat.

and she doesn't think that anyone would have blamed him for it, either.

it hurts. letting people in past the surface had been a difficult process - it's easy to be friendly, but much harder to trust, to really let someone in - and in the end, it's the people you care for the most who have the capacity to hurt you the most.

was it worth it?

she wishes it was. she wanted it to be. she hadn't trusted him lightly, and yet -

as she dies, she's filled with fury. unfair, she thinks through the pain. he wasn't himself. if not for that, he wouldn't have...

but there's that small, nagging doubt at the back of her mind that she can't shake.

wouldn't he? are you sure of that? you trusted your aunt, and she killed your mother. you trusted your cousin, and she killed you. you trusted your friend, and he let you die for his crimes.

was that trust worth that pain?

is there anything she could have done differently? anything at all? are her struggles worth it? will he even be okay, on that side? if she dies, and he's still refracted, what will happen to him?

...they'll save him.

if he can come back to himself... if he can be okay again...

she hates it, and she won't claim there's no resentment at all, that she didn't want to live, that she wouldn't have killed him if she'd overpowered him in that fight - but if percy can regain himself and be safe, then even if she can't shake the horror of her suffering, at least they'll have that.

was it worth it?

...if he'll be alright, it's worth it.

death isn't always the end. she knows that firsthand.]

[ She answers the question.

... If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

Because she knows that Percival would stop refracting... He would return to himself and see what he had done. Maybe she can picture him beside himself, mulling and stewing in his deeds. This comforts her as she chooses this path. Like before, not that she remembers, this scenario repeats countless of times. First, with memory of the past cycles, but then she forgets bit by bit. Every cycle becomes new and fresh, then the knowledge that people can be saved from refraction gone. The hope and knowledge of the dead still being among them... Gone. Death. Death is now permanent to her as she forgets.

Not every cycle is the same. She tries all she can, she makes different choices, she even approaches Percival before he makes his accusation. Maybe, in some instances, she reassures Percival she is on his side. They are allies, friends. She will always be, so don't... Throw her away like this. Jiuqing is a person, not an obstacle.

Yet Percival makes the same choices with no remorse to be found in his steely gaze. He points at her, he accuses her, he makes all of the Prism condemn her, and he kills her. She dies in execution each loop, struggling—"death" becomes the last embrace she would ever have.

The question comes again...

If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

If he'll be alright, it's worth it.

Her answer should be the same, shouldn't it? She still has that naive, foolish hope because each betrayal was new. It was "once," but like before all of her memories flood in as she ponders on the question again.

Was it worth it? ]

[in her first life, she was hopelessly naïve.

she trusted people she shouldn't have trusted, and paid the price for it. she had wanted to believe that her aunt had also mourned her mother, and that she had cared for her, but she hadn't. she'd believed wholeheartedly when her cousin had told her that she was her favorite person in the world, that the affection she treated her with was genuine, that when she called her sister it was because she loved her, not because she was her father's bastard child, not because she was coveting her place as the eldest daughter of the su family.

at her heart, jiuqing is not a distrustful person. she wants to be able to put her trust in others. it's only when they prove that she can't that she hardens her heart against them. with each loop, with each piece of knowledge lost, the betrayal seems fresh, and she carries that hope with her that maybe it's just a misunderstanding.

but then it all comes rushing in at once.

every time, it played out the same.

no matter what she did.

she failed. she failed herself, and she failed percy. the prism has made him into the monster he was so sure he would become. she couldn't stop it from happening, she'd never been able to stop it from happening.

it hurts so much.

was it worth it?

she sobs, this time, as her life bleeds out of her.

her last thought -

i wanted it to be.]

[ The black bird watches her closely, silent... In the end, Jiuqing’s answer is still love.

The scene ends and all goes black. Those memories, that suffering, it gets sealed away. She won’t remember that struggle (for) now.

A new scene commences—it is the game room and before her is a tea set, cups for two in the process of being poured, and a jenga set on the side. The tea is herbal, the atmosphere peaceful, and this is a fine night if it were anywhere else than here. When she lifts her gaze, she will see a familiar face greet her with a soft but somber smile. He doesn't say a word just yet, instead taking in the wafting pleasant aroma with a deep inhale.

Properly, tea must be appreciated by its aroma first. Even in moments like these, Chang Geng holds an air of grace... As if immovable by the currents of the Prism.

Still.

It is that day. That night. ]

[

what?

jiuqing blinks slowly. her gaze flicks from his face, to their surroundings, to the two cups of tea between them. she knows this night, because she'd heard the events of it retold, but she didn't live it. this isn't her memory. it isn't, it can't be.

it's...]

Sir Chang...?

[this can't be real. it can't be.]

[ We're back with impromptu rp for britt, for a character i know shit fuck about part 939025. Chang Geng keeps his smile. It doesn't falter and she won't be able to find a crack in his complexion. As he lifts up the cup, allowing the steam to rise to his face, he closes his eyes. ]

It looks like we're still awake, Miss Su.

[ Chang Geng is practical and believes obscuring the truth would only hurt. His tone is the same as when he usually talks to her during simpler times. ]

[hei is truly the most powerful of us all.]

That's... this isn't...

[the jenga set doesn't even fit as evidence for her, help. that's percy and vax's thing. except - she's aware of what it means, too; they explained it to her weeks ago. maybe this is why, in the trial she doesn't remember, it was so easy for percy to explain away and pin it on her.]

It doesn't have to happen. We'll - we can make it through the night.

[she still feels like herself.

and this isn't real - it can't be, he's already gone - so it doesn't have to play out the way that it did. this isn't her memory. it's an illusion, and even if it won't save the real chang geng, she can at least change this outcome.

...she doesn't want to accept that it's inevitable.]

[ He has his doubts, but... Damn. What he hates is this Prism dictating how they live. Chang Geng decides he will live out of spite. There's a nod. ]

We have the same idea, then. [ An act of defiance. ] I'd rather die struggling than submitting to this place. We should at least try.

[ Sips his tea. ]

[...

she'd rather he not die at all.

but. okay. they're going to try. she reaches into her sleeves, where she was storing things when she wasn't wearing more modern clothes that actually had pockets, and pulls out a pink-and-purple swirled gumball and her knife, which she puts on the table between them.]

I won't use these. I refuse to.

Miss Su...

[ Then Chang Geng also proffers his weapons, which should be his lisa frank knife and whatever he had at w3. His gumballs, too, if any. It all should match with what she remembers. Or expects. ]

What did you do today, earlier? I took a trip to the museum after training in the dojo. The exhibits are interesting.

[ For some light conversation, he wants to hear about her day! ]

[he's not real.

if it was him, he would know...

she looks down at her tea.]

...nothing important.

[ This feels like me pointing at flurry telling her omi wouldn't say this in 7rings. A sigh as I have to remember what happened in w3. ]

Your adventure was terrible, but I wished there was something in there that wasn't. [ He takes another sip. If she doesn't want to talk, he will. ] I've been thinking about home lately. It helps to not become complacent.

[ The way he holds the cup's handle is... Rigid. ]

I find myself missing it. [ more like missing someone. ]

[she smiles faintly]

There's a lot we all wish for.

[they wish that people wouldn't get hurt every week, that they wouldn't die every week, that they could just go home - but so much of that hasn't come true.

...but he's right; they can't get complacent. her expression becomes a little more faraway.

home...

her mother, her friends...]

I do, too. [...] No matter how much this place tries to convince us that it is our home, it isn't. It can't be.

[ Chang Geng's expression too conveys he goes to a distant place. They're allowed to both dream, to both hope, and to both wish for the better of the people here in the Prism with them.

Home waits for them. It waits for him, for her, but he knows something is taking him. He can tell by how his fingers tense on the cup's handle. It rattles. ]

It can't and it won't. [ ... ] But there is one thing I'm grateful to the Prism for.

Edited 2022-03-30 19:23 (UTC)

...

[her grip tightens a little on her cup, as well. this isn't real, she reminds herself. don't be affected, no matter what he says.]

And what would that be...?

When we return home, I will miss that something from here.

[ A preamble as he strings the proper words, but they stop here because the cup in his hand rattles louder. Quietly, he musters all of his fortitude and control into keeping his hand steady. He's successful... And this means he can continue without scaring her.

He can say this as who he wants to be, not as the monster he is or the monster the Prism makes of him. ]

It's... This.

[what? he's going to miss ... this? the game room? being up at night and trying not to murder each other?

(she's not stupid. she knows that's not it, not what this false version is trying to say.

she doesn't want to hear this.)]

...Sir Chang.

[her voice is soft, but there's a note of warning in it.

don't.]

[ Her tone says don't, so he doesn't. For her, he will keep the words lodged in his throat and they will follow him home. He can feel his sanity slipping away, but he starts to wonder... Reality? Dream? The woman in front of her—what he feels. His descent. The cup raised a little higher rattles again, furiously.

Home. Here. Her. Her name slips out of his mouth. ]

Jiuqing...

[ And the cup shatters in his hand, pieces cascading onto the flood with sharp clinks. Quickly, he takes the colorful knife and the night the Prism craves for begins. He lunges at her and if she were to escape, he hunts her down. Of course she isn't defenseless. She has her knife and gumball and maybe she took it with her as they escape the game room... The chase feels like it goes on forever, never-ending fear as Chang Geng's eyes glow a bright red.

With every swing, his blade seeks to sink into her body. Tonight, it is her or him.

Roll for surviving or dying. If surviving, what will she do with his body? ]

[well.

she survives.

it's not what she wanted. she never wanted chang geng to die for her, not even a false version of him. but she runs, and he pursues her, and she can't just lay down and die - she still has people to get back to.

her home.

her mother.

her friends, in daxing and in the prism. the real chang geng, wherever it is that the souls of the dead are being kept. she has to survive.

she's breathing heavily, shakily, tears and blood mixing on her face when she looks down at him, the blade of her knife buried deep in his heart.]

No...

[she shudders.]

This isn't... it isn't real...

[it can't be.

she leaves his body where it is and stumbles back, in shock. she's not gotten through this unscathed. she needs a minute.]

[ With an 18, Chang Geng left quite a number of lacerations on her. Despite having only tailed after her, he nicked her a few then sliced her many against her back, then also plunged his knife into her shoulder. She will find her arm lacks mobility from now on, but the shock overwhelms her. No matter how gruesome his death or how terrifying he was tonight, he looks peaceful, as if he's simply sleeping and will wake up the next morning. She could already hear his voice greet her solemnly on the day where they would find their dead. That will never be—his fate was always to die this night. His body is still warm because only minutes ago he was alive. That warmth now slips away, extinguished by her very hands.

She looks like a mess, stumbling back, bleeding profusely from her wounds as tears well in her eyes. Her hair looks like a bird's nest, half of it with split ends or some strands just sliced off from Chang Geng's pursuit... The question still comes.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

For you to find comfort in another in this place? To have built something, or the semblance of something, when you know the Prism will take it away? You've taken this man's future. You've doomed his homeland—you've made sure those who loved him would never see him again. You may know there might be a chance to return the dead, but those chances are nebulous.

Is it worth it? If it is, would she listen to him the next time? ]

[jiuqing shudders, staring down at his peaceful repose. he's gone. she knows he's gone. he's been gone--

he's gone now, and it's all her fault. he has died so that she can live.

was it worth it?]

No! Bring him back! Please!

[ She gives her answer.

Bring him back!

And so Chang Geng is brought back. They return to the game room, except this time she has all of her wounds. She bleeds out on her seat, but it seems he can't see her... He is refracting even earlier than last time—his gaze is distant and again he tries to talk to her.

Jiuqing, I █▓▓▒░░ ░

But he couldn't. Again, it catches him too quickly, then the night continues. The question is asked one more time... Except, this time, she is the one who dies. The blade that would cut through her shoulder, this time finds itself in her chest, through her heart.

Was it worth it? Does she want to listen to him? ]

Edited 2022-03-30 20:58 (UTC)

[was it worth it?

is this just going to keep happening? what does it matter if she doesn't listen? she's so tired. she just wants this to stop.

is it her own stubbornness that's making her keep going, trying to find a way out of this situation that simply doesn't exist? is it stubbornness that keeps her from listening to what it is he wants to say?

or is it fear?

the pain in her heart is intense, and she can't tell if it's from the knife, or from something else.

it's not worth it to struggle.

this time, she'll listen.]

Ch— Chang Geng...

Week 6 cyoa: hei, jiuqing, vin, and kashuu

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