It depends on what you consider peaceful. I prefer to be. I like peace and quiet, simple things. But I don't mind getting into a fight, if that's something that needs to happen.
I kind of get that. If something's weighing you down, it feels like you just have to find a way to make it hurt less, one way or another. But it's hard to outrun that kind of thing.
[Another weed. Throw it out. Another weed. Throw it out. Work, work, work. Bury yourself in your work. Don't think about anything else.]
In the end, I pushed that aside, for the good of everyone else, and chose sacrifice instead. [Why is she even saying all of this? A way to release what's pent up, without the details? Like a cup overflowing-?] And even that...that wasn't enough.
[She's tried. Endless years in a monastery, seeking penance from God. Nothing. It all resulted in nothing. A sin, eating at her, for years upon years upon years.]
I just want...something to soothe my soul for good.
Doesn't change that it's still growing. Still alive. Still a tree.
I don't know that rot is the word I'd use, but if it's the word you'd use, that's fine. I'm a fan of rot, personally. [they absently touch some of the lichen growing on their chest. most of it is gray-green, but some of it has a pale pink hue.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Secretive? Yes. Absolutely.]
But you could say I'm like an agent.
no subject
[they seem if anything amused by the secrecy. what is it accomplishing here, hot pants.]
no subject
[SOMETIMES YOU ARE SECRETIVE FOR A LIVING]
no subject
[they shrug!]
But it's okay. Nothing making you, just conversation.
no subject
[Kind of frowning at that!]
It's not funny. [Hmmph!] It's just how it is.
no subject
no subject
... [And now it's awkward silence on her end for a good moment as she continues to pluck up weeds.] ...
[...]
Do you do anything besides...cooking and gardening?
no subject
no subject
no subject
It depends on what you consider peaceful. I prefer to be. I like peace and quiet, simple things. But I don't mind getting into a fight, if that's something that needs to happen.
no subject
[ur jjba body horror insects....]
...In a way, I miss that. The peace. [...] I lived a peaceful life before my mission. But there's no going back to that.
no subject
[they sound curious, but not judgmental. sometimes it be that way.]
no subject
[She yanks out a weed a little harder, and just...pauses, glancing down at the dirt from where it came from.]
And after that, everything I got myself involved in...it's not like I could just throw everything away and begin anew, either.
no subject
Did getting involved in it give your soul rest? Did it help?
no subject
[She tosses the weed aside.]
But no. It was all in vain. I felt so close, but...it wasn't to be.
no subject
I kind of get that. If something's weighing you down, it feels like you just have to find a way to make it hurt less, one way or another. But it's hard to outrun that kind of thing.
What were you close to?
no subject
[Another weed. Throw it out. Another weed. Throw it out. Work, work, work. Bury yourself in your work. Don't think about anything else.]
In the end, I pushed that aside, for the good of everyone else, and chose sacrifice instead. [Why is she even saying all of this? A way to release what's pent up, without the details? Like a cup overflowing-?] And even that...that wasn't enough.
no subject
What do you think absolution would be? Is it something someone else can give to you?
no subject
[She's tried. Endless years in a monastery, seeking penance from God. Nothing. It all resulted in nothing. A sin, eating at her, for years upon years upon years.]
I just want...something to soothe my soul for good.
no subject
What will you do if it turns out you can't soothe a soul that way?
no subject
[She pauses, her nose wrinkling, displeased.]
I don't know. I really don't know.
no subject
[but apparently they will still offer their advice.]
Sometimes pain doesn't leave. We just have to adapt around it, grow into a version of ourselves who can tolerate it.
no subject
...It sounds nice. But its like a tree that grows with a rotten interior. Doesn't change that it's rotten.
no subject
I don't know that rot is the word I'd use, but if it's the word you'd use, that's fine. I'm a fan of rot, personally. [they absently touch some of the lichen growing on their chest. most of it is gray-green, but some of it has a pale pink hue.]
no subject
...Do you have any regrets, Shale?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)