[but he doesn't seem like...he wonders that hard. then again, shale in general seems like a person who doesn't wonder very hard about things that happen to him.]
I sort of think it's just a matter of time. Our bodies changed, and so did our minds. We adapted to the prism, in other words. Became part of it a little bit. The memory loss is a bit unfortunate, but I...don't know. In some ways, not remembering things is peaceful. Maybe the prism wanted us to feel at peace.
...I don't know. There's nothing I've remembered so far that I'm not happy to know about, but. [he goes quiet for a second. and there's more of that loneliness and grief.]
What if there's something that I'm better off not remembering? My family, all of them... there's a reason they never came back. And I've felt that...if I have to look at that reason, I'll have to look at it, but until then...what's the point?
One day at a time then. If you feel comfortable as you are now, I suppose you should enjoy it. You... never really know when you might discover something that changes everything you thought you knew.
But, for what it's worth? I think there are people who would stick with you no matter what you end up learning about yourself. There are a lot of stubborn types like that.
[oh. this is really sweet, and you'll get a little swell of a touched emotion, a lot of fondness mixed with sadness.]
...Maybe you're right about that. Maybe I've been - missing out on something. It feels like if I try to poke into it, all I'll do is lose something but. It could be I'm losing something else by not discovering that thing.
Huh. You've got an interesting way of seeing things, Nogiku.
But I think, what you're describing... Stagnating or gaining new experiences, they're transactional. Only you can answer the question of what you're willing to give up to preserve your way of life.
What if there's no transaction at all? I make the choice to give something up to see something new, and it turns out that choice only dooms us. Ruins both things.
[fear is the really big problem here, feelings wise.]
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She nods, though. And after digging through her pockets for a square of paper, she unfolds it to reveal a four leaf clover tucked inside.]
This appeared in my hand after I used color on the back alley wall. What do you make of it?
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...That's. Quite the lucky clover.
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... It doesn't feel so lucky right now. [A beat, her surprise giving way to concern.] Are you okay?
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...I'm okay. [...] You know how sometimes I say things give me a bad feeling? Yeah. That gives me a bad feeling.
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[She will tuck the clover away now, so he doesn't have to keep staring at it.]
But even though you reacted so strongly... you don't recognize it at all, do you?
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[hmm, they frown. there's the feeling of reaching for a thought that won't come.]
Maybe I've seen it before, a long time ago. Or...maybe it just reminds me of someone I knew back then.
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[A bit of sympathy, there.]
Have you wondered why it is that so many of your memories are gone?
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[but he doesn't seem like...he wonders that hard. then again, shale in general seems like a person who doesn't wonder very hard about things that happen to him.]
I sort of think it's just a matter of time. Our bodies changed, and so did our minds. We adapted to the prism, in other words. Became part of it a little bit. The memory loss is a bit unfortunate, but I...don't know. In some ways, not remembering things is peaceful. Maybe the prism wanted us to feel at peace.
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Then, would you say you prefer to stay the way you are now, not remembering the whole of it?
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...I don't know. There's nothing I've remembered so far that I'm not happy to know about, but. [he goes quiet for a second. and there's more of that loneliness and grief.]
What if there's something that I'm better off not remembering? My family, all of them... there's a reason they never came back. And I've felt that...if I have to look at that reason, I'll have to look at it, but until then...what's the point?
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One day at a time then. If you feel comfortable as you are now, I suppose you should enjoy it. You... never really know when you might discover something that changes everything you thought you knew.
But, for what it's worth? I think there are people who would stick with you no matter what you end up learning about yourself. There are a lot of stubborn types like that.
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...Maybe you're right about that. Maybe I've been - missing out on something. It feels like if I try to poke into it, all I'll do is lose something but. It could be I'm losing something else by not discovering that thing.
Huh. You've got an interesting way of seeing things, Nogiku.
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[Help. Now she feels embarrassed.]
But I think, what you're describing... Stagnating or gaining new experiences, they're transactional. Only you can answer the question of what you're willing to give up to preserve your way of life.
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he's quiet for a long second.]
What if there's no transaction at all? I make the choice to give something up to see something new, and it turns out that choice only dooms us. Ruins both things.
[fear is the really big problem here, feelings wise.]
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But you can't really know what that "something new" will be until it's right in front of you, anyway.
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I know you're right about that.