AUDIENCE FOR: malik

[saturations]

Comments

[godcards]

A little bored, but that's to be expected I suppose. I'm not so sure I can be "good" or "bad" here.

Have you been well?

[ lol. ]

[graverot]

I'm sure you'll find a way to be exactly as good or as bad as you want to be.

I'm alright.

[godcards]

Death is supposed to be transformative. That's what I was taught at least. We'll see. There's a lot of things I've been taught that haven't held true.

[graverot]

Maybe you have to let it be transformative first.

[godcards]

That's a little beyond my control, don't you think?

Then again, I might prefer that over the alternative.

[graverot]

What I wonder is whether you're holding yourself back from this being a transformational event because you think the change should be something different than what it is.

What's the alternative?

[godcards]

Being in control and still not able to change.

[graverot]

Interesting.

Letting go of control in order to change?

[godcards]

I have to.

But I don't know if I want to.

[graverot]

How do you have to change?

[godcards]

[ there is a very long gap between texts ]

What about you? Are you content with how you are?

[graverot]

In some ways. In other ways, maybe not.
I feel like I've been doing what I thought was my best for a long time.
But now I wonder if what I've been doing has only been hurting someone.

Your turn again. How do you have to change?

[godcards]

You really think you could be content doing the same thing over and over again?

[graverot]

I think I could be content for a long time if the same thing was something I enjoy.

But that's not exactly what I mean. If you changed the way you feel you're meant to, who would you be? How would that Malik be different?

[godcards]

I don't know.

I don't really like feeling things.

[graverot]

So you think you need to change into someone who feels less?

[godcards]

Ideally, yes.

[graverot]

I think you had the right idea. The ability to change means letting go of control.

It might even mean accepting there might be something different in store for you than what you had in mind. Perhaps changing to feel things less isn't the journey you're on after all.

[godcards]

That's why it would be the ideal.

I already know some things have changed, but it's like what we talked about before with fate. I don't like not knowing the direction I'm headed in. I don't like these things happening to me and I can't control it.

[graverot]

What things are happening to you?

[godcards]

Besides the nightmare that the prism keeps inflicting on us?

The way I feel about certain things, and certain people, have changed. I've always been able to keep myself focused on my goals, without the need of being tied down or distracted by others.

[graverot]

And if that changed? If you started needing others more, started being distracted by them? If your goals changed?

What would be bad about that?

[godcards]

Then I'm losing sight of my original goal. I need to avenge my family. I need to be free.

I n eed it

[graverot]

You mentioned you weren't sure you wanted to change the way you feel that you need to.

[godcards]

Knock it off.