they shift a little, taking in the way that vax looks. for a long moment, they seem like they're maybe struggling with something. maybe the urge to just brush it away. people will take them more seriously if they try to swallow it all down.
but.] I don't know.
[they say, finally.] ... I don't usually talk about stuff. What's the point, y'know? It just bums everybody out and doesn't do any good.
But I wanna be strong for Meteion. And Emet-Selch, and Kashuu and Yasusada, and Chinatsu. And I don't know if I'm doing a good job.
[ takes a break from emotional memshares for more emotions
"i want to be strong", bass says. it's touch week, so vax, who is already prone to reaching out, does just that, moving to put his hand on bass's arm as they struggle. ]
... well. [ he gets that, maybe. ]
...We're all already pretty fucking bummed out. [ maybe not the most elegant place to start, but a place to start nonetheless. ] And... think maybe sometimes being strong doesn't always have to mean being happy all the time, or letting other people be upset while you're - comic relief, or happy, or whatever. That shit - it bottles up in you, till you explode. I watched someone do that, once, and he slipped away from us before we even realized how bad it had gotten.
Nobody's happy with how any of this's been going. Some people hide it better than others. I know I don't. You see me as any weaker because of it?
[ marine life ]
's stronger, sometimes, to be with people when they're hurting. Together. It's... ...I think it's worth it, to let people see this part of you, Bass.
[ it's what he wishes he could do, now. when vex is upset, or gods forbid, something attacks her, he won't be there to help. all he can do now is watch. it's what he's tried to do for scanlan, for keyleth, for all of his people who he loves, tried to support them and hold them up when they were down, so they didn't have to be as down as vax did.
...it feels like talking to kynan, a little. the sense of solidarity is there, and so vax - he tries. god, he tries, so he keeps going. ]
...Even without that, you're way stronger than you've given yourself any credit for. Going through whatever this is with us's fucking hard, and not only are you going through it, but you're guiding a bunch of assholes who just dropped onto your doorstep through it.
[ vax watches him, for now, thoughtful. ] ...Told Garou he acts like he's twelve. Think you're nowhere near that.
[ stop bullying garou!!! or not. this is a joke. ]
Whatever you go through - here, or whatever you went through, whatever you remember, just means you've got to learn something from it, no matter how old you are. Maybe take some advice from a dead guy, or don't, but it means you've got some time to learn what works best for you.
[ wow. what is it with everyone he likes and being dead.
.. well. it's not like he can really talk? he returns that, that amused wryness. ] Well. 's not a bad club to be in. Maybe I can pull a string or two for you when I'm back with the Raven Queen.
[ vax no. the second part gets his attention too, though, and he tilts his head. ] What do you mean?
The Raven Queen? Is that a god of some kind? [a beat.] -- Oh, I just mean Selchy said I'm not the only one. I kinda assumed he was talking about you, since you guys are friends.
anyway. he raises an eyebrow at that, with emet - and then laughs a little. ] Iunno if he'd call us friends. [ (emet voice) YOU ARE INTOLERABLE
but, he does seem pleased with this so. ] Sort of blurted it out last week, when we were all just blurting things out, but - yeah, he's right.
The Raven Queen's... [ hmm ] ... a goddess, yeah. An ancient one, goddess of death. Guards passage from life to the afterlife. Sort of my boss, nowadays. I guess.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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they shift a little, taking in the way that vax looks. for a long moment, they seem like they're maybe struggling with something. maybe the urge to just brush it away. people will take them more seriously if they try to swallow it all down.
but.] I don't know.
[they say, finally.] ... I don't usually talk about stuff. What's the point, y'know? It just bums everybody out and doesn't do any good.
But I wanna be strong for Meteion. And Emet-Selch, and Kashuu and Yasusada, and Chinatsu. And I don't know if I'm doing a good job.
no subject
"i want to be strong", bass says. it's touch week, so vax, who is already prone to reaching out, does just that, moving to put his hand on bass's arm as they struggle. ]
... well. [ he gets that, maybe. ]
...We're all already pretty fucking bummed out. [ maybe not the most elegant place to start, but a place to start nonetheless. ] And... think maybe sometimes being strong doesn't always have to mean being happy all the time, or letting other people be upset while you're - comic relief, or happy, or whatever. That shit - it bottles up in you, till you explode. I watched someone do that, once, and he slipped away from us before we even realized how bad it had gotten.
Nobody's happy with how any of this's been going. Some people hide it better than others. I know I don't. You see me as any weaker because of it?
[ marine life ]
's stronger, sometimes, to be with people when they're hurting. Together. It's... ...I think it's worth it, to let people see this part of you, Bass.
[ it's what he wishes he could do, now. when vex is upset, or gods forbid, something attacks her, he won't be there to help. all he can do now is watch. it's what he's tried to do for scanlan, for keyleth, for all of his people who he loves, tried to support them and hold them up when they were down, so they didn't have to be as down as vax did.
...it feels like talking to kynan, a little. the sense of solidarity is there, and so vax - he tries. god, he tries, so he keeps going. ]
...Even without that, you're way stronger than you've given yourself any credit for. Going through whatever this is with us's fucking hard, and not only are you going through it, but you're guiding a bunch of assholes who just dropped onto your doorstep through it.
That's pretty fucking strong, if you ask me.
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anyway. for a long moment, they sort of mull that over, thinking.]
I guess so.
[...] I just don't want to make things worse. It gets worse, if I don't... pretend.
[but they sound uncertain, at least.]
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[ because, unfortunately, he really does.
vax quiets for a second, thinking of how to respond to that. ]
... How much worse does it get for you when you do pretend?
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and then they shrug.]
I just... don't think about it. [they run away.] And eventually it goes away.
[or does it? maybe it just gets worse and worse until they numb out the people around them.]
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...doesn't, though.
[ go away.
just gets worse.
he doesn't say much more than that on it, though, tone just quietly knowing. ] ... you're still young, right?
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I don't know. Maybe. People tell me I act that way. [which they sound vaguely annoyed about.]
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[ stop bullying garou!!! or not. this is a joke. ]
Whatever you go through - here, or whatever you went through, whatever you remember, just means you've got to learn something from it, no matter how old you are. Maybe take some advice from a dead guy, or don't, but it means you've got some time to learn what works best for you.
...Time's a luxury. 's a good thing.
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... A dead guy?
[they glance at him, blinking.]
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...
well.
he shrugs a shoulder. ]
's like I said. Time is a luxury.
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[they look a little amused, almost. in a wry way.]
I think I'm dead too. Maybe that's who he was talking about.
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[ wow. what is it with everyone he likes and being dead.
.. well. it's not like he can really talk? he returns that, that amused wryness. ] Well. 's not a bad club to be in. Maybe I can pull a string or two for you when I'm back with the Raven Queen.
[ vax no. the second part gets his attention too, though, and he tilts his head. ] What do you mean?
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The Raven Queen? Is that a god of some kind? [a beat.] -- Oh, I just mean Selchy said I'm not the only one. I kinda assumed he was talking about you, since you guys are friends.
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anyway. he raises an eyebrow at that, with emet - and then laughs a little. ] Iunno if he'd call us friends. [ (emet voice) YOU ARE INTOLERABLE
but, he does seem pleased with this so. ] Sort of blurted it out last week, when we were all just blurting things out, but - yeah, he's right.
The Raven Queen's... [ hmm ] ... a goddess, yeah. An ancient one, goddess of death. Guards passage from life to the afterlife. Sort of my boss, nowadays. I guess.
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[they point out. emet-selch is their bestie and he can't stop it.]
... So you're the grim reaper, kinda? [they sound... very distant when they say this. also, their static glitches, for a second.]
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anyway the glitching is. concerning. vax frowns, immediately, shifting on the couch. ] I - not really. I don’t know what that is, you alright?
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[they say, still distant.] Reapers. They... collect the dead? And...
[another glitch.]
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he immediately reaches out again, this time getting a hold on their arm. ]
Hey - hey, Bass.
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What? H -- oh. Sorry. [they shift, and he can probably tell they're a little dizzy.]
I'm okay.