For the second, when we came back from the cemetery, he barely said anything back when he was giving his report - gave a lot of answers wrong, too. Thought he was just a space case, freaked out by the body, but... Iunno. He was acting odd at the end, too. Didn't really think about it until afterwards.
[but they seem to have stopped making dad jokes and are listening seriously.]
That's definitely something to think about. You're not wrong to worry about not...blaming a kid like him for not handling digging up a body as good as you or I might. But on the other hand, somebody had to have been responsible for 9S.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. [ there's a little relief in his tone, if only because he has been talking to at least one person who certainly did not think that way and will likely be talking with another when i finish back tagging a thread. vax nods. ] He's a kid - I'm not...if he did, I doubt it was because he wanted to.
[ a la kazuma and ryunosuke. probably doesn't have to explain that one, though.
but, for the other part - he pulls out his phone and scrolls to this part of the conversation, shuffling over to show shale. ]
...that too. [ SEE!!! THANK YOU!!! ] 'm maybe the worst person to say be careful instead of reckless, in the world, but...
I talked to someone on Saturday, that - we caught Kazuma, yeah? And he snapped out of it, thank the gods for that, but... if it was Kazunari, and we didn't catch him in time, then what?
[ he's rambling a little, here, but the conversation threads are connected. ]
Do you think it'd just - could that be why he could be acting weird? It's not so much the message as- the kid's not mean, as far as I could tell, and I think he'd say something about poking around, sure, but would he say it like that? Didn't he go poking around last week, too?
Iunno. I just - talked to someone, and they said something that - it was too far. Too fucking much.
What makes you say Kazuma snapped out of it? [they wind their hand through one of the vines wrapped around the crack in their chest.] I talked to him that night. He was himself, but his colors still didn't feel right to me.
[they shake their head a little.]
No, I see what you're saying. He doesn't seem mean to me, either, he's a sweetheart. What did the person you talked to say?
...Guess because he was so upset - that he realized what happened. He was acting nuts, before that. It's... balance, right?
[ and
there's a pause
before he just - ] Well, implied that killing him was a fucking option, if he was going to be stuck with whatever was wrong like that wasn't that big of a deal. [ please help he is surrounded by crystallines ]
[ thank you!!!!! local death man does not want to cause death as the first solution!!!
anyway, ]
... How do we fix it? I - when I got stuck in that other place, I was dealing with... Percy, sort of. It wasn't really him, but it reminded me of something that happened to him. And I kept trying to snap him out of it, but I couldn't - no matter what I did, he wouldn't, and it ended...
... badly. [ kind of like maybe what could've happened with kazuma and ryunosuke? Maybe? he doesn't know. vax runs a hand over his face, the top of his head. ] I kept thinking about it, last week, too, the way Kazuma kept describing it. I don't want it to keep ending that way, if we can help it.
...Would it help to try and - I don't know. Call him out on it, in private, maybe? 's not a vote, but...
[ and then like ten minutes from this message and i am asking an elephant for advice ]
[what happened to kazuma was cruel. what happened to a mystery person, that's cruel, too. they have to sigh and think.]
I don't have a solution for you. Maybe that would help, maybe not. The best I can do is...you're a big group, and you all have different perspectives. Talk to each other. Maybe only one on one, make sure no one tries to make the problem worse, but if you have something you're suspicious of, talking to each other is the only way you're going to come to a communal solution.
...I just know I don't want - I don't want that solution to be the right one.
[ a little more vulnerable, there, though laced with fierceness. as the champion of the raven queen, vax doesn't choose who lives, or who dies, unless they're not supposed to be living. this isn't like that. kazunari's a kid. that sort of thing will never sit right with him, no matter what sort of image he gives off.
he's not really expecting shale to give a solution - it's shale, after all - and this isn't a bad suggestion, but vax is slow to trust and. well. worried, that emet maybe wasn't the only one who had that idea.
he takes a deep breath, sighs it out. ]
...If the pattern holds, we've only got a couple days to figure it out before something happens again.
[shale isn't giving much more than this, no. just some friendly advice.]
I don't think that solution is the right one, or at least you don't have any reason to jump to it. And I don't want that to be a solution you take, or the solution the people you care for take. That sort of decision - you might already be carrying a lot, and so might your friend, but that doesn't mean it doesn't do you damage.
But if I had some kind of clear idea that killing someone was the right solution, I'd be honest with you.
he nods, though, scrubbing a hand over his face. ]
Yeah. I thought you would. [ this is why shale is his favorite, actually? the levelheadedness is grounding. his shoulders drop a little. ] I'll try and talk to them. I don't think he'd do anything.
[ ...
the hand drags down his face. he stares into the distance for a second. ]
... Probably. [ fucking crystallines hes tired ] I know I don't want the kid to suffer, no matter what.
...I think you can trust people here more than you think you can. At least some. Don't carry these worries between the three of you. [and really the one of you because shale shares his view on crystallines........messy.]
shale sees right through him, as usual. vax fidgets a little. ]
There're others. [ not quite petulantly, because he knows this is flimsy. but. well. at least one? there's at least one. we're working on it. ] Don't want to do to him what ... well, what we did to you guys, either, so...
[ "hey yall notice kazunari been acting crazy? yeah? me too" ] I feel like I can see the future, and I really don't want it to go that way.
[laughs you’re all good this one was time sensitive and the other one had just started so i just wanted you to know you should continue with it so you could read 10,000 words about a house.]
I wouldn’t recommend that, no. But people you have a little faith in, that’s okay. There are people here who want to help.
the corner of his mouth lifts a little. it's a nonverbal answer, as he ducks his head, but maybe shale can read it off of him - i'll try.
it is of course at this moment, that one of those pesky little bubbles shows up. vax looks to shale, a little surprised, and then - well, he's already poured half his heart out to shale, anyway, and he doesn't want them to do the weird staticky vibrating thing that bass did earlier, so he just reaches out to gently touch it, to give it a wash of marine. ]
[ you stand in a massive temple. lowly lit and made of dark black glass that transitions into a delicately, beautifully carved gray structure, almost as if it were made from ice and bone. a woman guides you, in long black robes, her face obscured.
"You walk with Her sight on you. You are ever welcome here."
you swallow, your heart racing. ] I've come to understand my place in Her sight.
[ the woman turns to you, and removes the shroud over her face - an older elven woman. she smiles, warm, "Then I think, perhaps, you are here for communion. Come. Our most sacred chamber - The communion pool awaits. Only you may have entry, unfortunately.
you look back. keyleth holds your hand - a red haired woman wearing an antlered crown, and a tiny gnome in silver armor stands beside her. you lean in, and kiss keyleth's cheek, and then do the same to pike, and you feel sick with anxiety and purpose and fear and adrenaline, but you say, ] I made my bed. Now I gotta lie in it.
[ and turn towards the guide, squaring back your shoulders.
the woman says, in that same soft voice: come, champion. The lady of Fates awaits."
and you begin to climb. up a set of staircase, out of sight of the waiting keyleth and pike. the woman takes you to a door made of massive wood, and knocks on it, twice. the door creaks, and as it opens, the room is flooded with light.
a massive, steepled dome stands before you, a chamber with ceilings a hundred feet high, and stained glass throws beautifully colored light across the floor, across three other figures with covered faces in death shrouds. it's like standing in a kaleidoscope, and the beauty of shifting reds and blues and purples and pinks and whites takes your breath away, so much so that you feel, for a moment, a tiny bit less jumpy, stunned instead by the beauty of something in a place so ice cold.
in the center of the room is a pool, perfectly round, and filled with a deep, crimson liquid. you look at it, and the anxiety comes back again, your heart leaping into your throat, but you say, slowly: ] ...I have come to pay a debt, and I do so gladly and without question.What would you have of me?
[ your guide gestures to the pool, and says, softly, "You have come to speak with the Lady. Well - the way is before you."
you look at the blood pool. you think of your promise, of the sight of the shadowy figure in the sunken tomb, of the armor suddenly heavy on your shoulders. this is the most terrifying thing you have ever done, vax'ildan, and you are not someone who scares easily.
but you take a deep breath, and take your first step forward, slowly. slowly. until crimson liquid touches your boots, and you step into it. It comes up to your ankles, to your knees. and what catches you first is that the liquid is very thick, viscous in a familiar way. this is most definitively a pool of blood.
and it is cold.
as you step in, you can feel that as it begins to seep into your boots and begins to find its way into the crevices of your outfit as you get down into your waist, it's just chilling. you can't help but to stand up straight as you step further in, not quite sure of how deep it gets.
And it gets deeper. And deeper.
Up past your chest, up past your shoulders, and you're not even halfway into the center of the pool before it's going past your nose.
you take a last, deep breath, and you submerge yourself.
and at first, there's nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
you can't hold your breath any longer and you give up - the need for oxygen kicks in and you inhale, and you think, i am drowning, i was drowning - and start to reach for the surface, trying to kick through the viscous blood, and at the very point when you think this is it, the cold, piercing sensation becomes warmth.
and in that sensation, that arresting little moment, you see a pinprick of white light, and you feel natural, and you feel alive, and the light grows and grows into a face. (watch to 1:15:48)
the memory fades as you resurface, coughing and gasping for air. ]
Edited (you can tell where i copy pasted bc my enters are weird lol ) 2022-03-09 12:31 (UTC)
[they start to say something, but then the memory takes on that marine tone. it's always a little odd to be inside someone else's memories, to experience through them something that isn't familiar to you, but is familiar, at the same time. the pain of drowning, going so far into that place without oxygen but coming out on the other side, comfortable and safe.
at least, that's what shale gets out of this memory. when it ends, they're still. not just thinking but completely still, eyes closed, like a statue carved into rock where it stands, lifeless, eyes closed. the deep crack in their chest looks even deeper, the carved face tired and drawn.
and then, after just enough time that vax might start to worry that something's wrong, the head tilts a little and it looks awake again.]
...Is that her, the Raven Queen? [a pause.] Huh. She seems neat.
vax is quiet as the memory ends, holding still, too. without moving, he can almost feel the blood in his boots, on his clothes - can almost see the web of strings that seem to stretch to infinity, that will be his home when he returns from this place.
he's lost in thought, too, hand coming up, up, his hand curling near his chest - and, actually, when shale speaks it startles him. ]
What? [ oh. right. ] I... yeah. Yeah, that's her.
[ both images - the mask, the giant hands, and the beautiful woman with the red, red eyes. nowadays, he thinks of her fondly, like... like a guide, like something close to his heart, and this conversation, this communion, did a lot for that. ]
... Hah. [ this is not the response he's expecting, either! he laughs, a little, ducking his head. ] You think? 's.. the mantle I took up, I guess. Hers'd been dead for a century or something.
[ he reaches down, absently, plucking at a feather on his armor. ] This used to be his. Let me tell you, it smelled dire once we got it.
I only just started, officially. Just... [ just died, though, he doesn't need to finish that sentence, trailing off there.]
[they tilt their head a little. they seem to be quiet for long portions of the conversation, perhaps remembering.]
I do think. I have a good sense for people who are called to something. I feel that about you.
I guess it's not easy for her to find champions. And a lot of the type of people who want to dedicate themselves to death aren't the sort she'd want as a champion. Plus, she keeps giving them away. [...] Growing up, we always heard stories about him. Not...a different one. Different armor.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[well. they will pat the goat on the head and put them down with an exasperated scoff. the goat runs away.]
Kids these days. [anyway.] Sounds like we have a lot to talk about. What makes you think that?
no subject
anyway, ]
...The acting weird part, or the killing part?
For the second, when we came back from the cemetery, he barely said anything back when he was giving his report - gave a lot of answers wrong, too. Thought he was just a space case, freaked out by the body, but... Iunno. He was acting odd at the end, too. Didn't really think about it until afterwards.
no subject
[but they seem to have stopped making dad jokes and are listening seriously.]
That's definitely something to think about. You're not wrong to worry about not...blaming a kid like him for not handling digging up a body as good as you or I might. But on the other hand, somebody had to have been responsible for 9S.
Odd how?
no subject
[ a la kazuma and ryunosuke. probably doesn't have to explain that one, though.
but, for the other part - he pulls out his phone and scrolls to this part of the conversation, shuffling over to show shale. ]
See what I mean? He's being a dick.
no subject
[but they understand the implication. and they reach the conversation.]
Maybe he just thinks poking around and getting all of these creepy letters from it isn't a great idea?
no subject
I talked to someone on Saturday, that - we caught Kazuma, yeah? And he snapped out of it, thank the gods for that, but... if it was Kazunari, and we didn't catch him in time, then what?
[ he's rambling a little, here, but the conversation threads are connected. ]
Do you think it'd just - could that be why he could be acting weird? It's not so much the message as- the kid's not mean, as far as I could tell, and I think he'd say something about poking around, sure, but would he say it like that? Didn't he go poking around last week, too?
Iunno. I just - talked to someone, and they said something that - it was too far. Too fucking much.
no subject
[they shake their head a little.]
No, I see what you're saying. He doesn't seem mean to me, either, he's a sweetheart. What did the person you talked to say?
no subject
...Guess because he was so upset - that he realized what happened. He was acting nuts, before that. It's... balance, right?
[ and
there's a pause
before he just - ] Well, implied that killing him was a fucking option, if he was going to be stuck with whatever was wrong like that wasn't that big of a deal. [ please help he is surrounded by crystallines ]
no subject
[but at the later point, they hum, a little unnerved.]
In general, I think it's a bad idea to look at a problem and start at killing.
no subject
[ thank you!!!!! local death man does not want to cause death as the first solution!!!
anyway, ]
... How do we fix it? I - when I got stuck in that other place, I was dealing with... Percy, sort of. It wasn't really him, but it reminded me of something that happened to him. And I kept trying to snap him out of it, but I couldn't - no matter what I did, he wouldn't, and it ended...
... badly. [ kind of like maybe what could've happened with kazuma and ryunosuke? Maybe? he doesn't know. vax runs a hand over his face, the top of his head. ] I kept thinking about it, last week, too, the way Kazuma kept describing it. I don't want it to keep ending that way, if we can help it.
...Would it help to try and - I don't know. Call him out on it, in private, maybe? 's not a vote, but...
[ and then like ten minutes from this message and i am asking an elephant for advice ]
no subject
[what happened to kazuma was cruel. what happened to a mystery person, that's cruel, too. they have to sigh and think.]
I don't have a solution for you. Maybe that would help, maybe not. The best I can do is...you're a big group, and you all have different perspectives. Talk to each other. Maybe only one on one, make sure no one tries to make the problem worse, but if you have something you're suspicious of, talking to each other is the only way you're going to come to a communal solution.
no subject
[ a little more vulnerable, there, though laced with fierceness. as the champion of the raven queen, vax doesn't choose who lives, or who dies, unless they're not supposed to be living. this isn't like that. kazunari's a kid. that sort of thing will never sit right with him, no matter what sort of image he gives off.
he's not really expecting shale to give a solution - it's shale, after all - and this isn't a bad suggestion, but vax is slow to trust and. well. worried, that emet maybe wasn't the only one who had that idea.
he takes a deep breath, sighs it out. ]
...If the pattern holds, we've only got a couple days to figure it out before something happens again.
no subject
[shale isn't giving much more than this, no. just some friendly advice.]
I don't think that solution is the right one, or at least you don't have any reason to jump to it. And I don't want that to be a solution you take, or the solution the people you care for take. That sort of decision - you might already be carrying a lot, and so might your friend, but that doesn't mean it doesn't do you damage.
But if I had some kind of clear idea that killing someone was the right solution, I'd be honest with you.
no subject
he nods, though, scrubbing a hand over his face. ]
Yeah. I thought you would. [ this is why shale is his favorite, actually? the levelheadedness is grounding. his shoulders drop a little. ] I'll try and talk to them. I don't think he'd do anything.
[ ...
the hand drags down his face. he stares into the distance for a second. ]
... Probably. [ fucking crystallines hes tired ] I know I don't want the kid to suffer, no matter what.
no subject
[they watch him, thoughtful.]
...I think you can trust people here more than you think you can. At least some. Don't carry these worries between the three of you. [and really the one of you because shale shares his view on crystallines........messy.]
no subject
shale sees right through him, as usual. vax fidgets a little. ]
There're others. [ not quite petulantly, because he knows this is flimsy. but. well. at least one? there's at least one. we're working on it. ] Don't want to do to him what ... well, what we did to you guys, either, so...
[ "hey yall notice kazunari been acting crazy? yeah? me too" ] I feel like I can see the future, and I really don't want it to go that way.
no subject
[hmmm. also tag the other one you were going to get something.]
no subject
...The - [ he ducks his head, embarrassed ] talking about you all right in front of you all.
no subject
I wouldn’t recommend that, no. But people you have a little faith in, that’s okay. There are people here who want to help.
no subject
the corner of his mouth lifts a little. it's a nonverbal answer, as he ducks his head, but maybe shale can read it off of him - i'll try.
it is of course at this moment, that one of those pesky little bubbles shows up. vax looks to shale, a little surprised, and then - well, he's already poured half his heart out to shale, anyway, and he doesn't want them to do the weird staticky vibrating thing that bass did earlier, so he just reaches out to gently touch it, to give it a wash of marine. ]
no subject
[they start to say something, but then the memory takes on that marine tone. it's always a little odd to be inside someone else's memories, to experience through them something that isn't familiar to you, but is familiar, at the same time. the pain of drowning, going so far into that place without oxygen but coming out on the other side, comfortable and safe.
at least, that's what shale gets out of this memory. when it ends, they're still. not just thinking but completely still, eyes closed, like a statue carved into rock where it stands, lifeless, eyes closed. the deep crack in their chest looks even deeper, the carved face tired and drawn.
and then, after just enough time that vax might start to worry that something's wrong, the head tilts a little and it looks awake again.]
...Is that her, the Raven Queen? [a pause.] Huh. She seems neat.
no subject
vax is quiet as the memory ends, holding still, too. without moving, he can almost feel the blood in his boots, on his clothes - can almost see the web of strings that seem to stretch to infinity, that will be his home when he returns from this place.
he's lost in thought, too, hand coming up, up, his hand curling near his chest - and, actually, when shale speaks it startles him. ]
What? [ oh. right. ] I... yeah. Yeah, that's her.
[ both images - the mask, the giant hands, and the beautiful woman with the red, red eyes. nowadays, he thinks of her fondly, like... like a guide, like something close to his heart, and this conversation, this communion, did a lot for that. ]
no subject
So, you're a champion, huh? I can see that about you, I think.
no subject
... Hah. [ this is not the response he's expecting, either! he laughs, a little, ducking his head. ] You think? 's.. the mantle I took up, I guess. Hers'd been dead for a century or something.
[ he reaches down, absently, plucking at a feather on his armor. ] This used to be his. Let me tell you, it smelled dire once we got it.
I only just started, officially. Just... [ just died, though, he doesn't need to finish that sentence, trailing off there.]
no subject
I do think. I have a good sense for people who are called to something. I feel that about you.
I guess it's not easy for her to find champions. And a lot of the type of people who want to dedicate themselves to death aren't the sort she'd want as a champion. Plus, she keeps giving them away. [...] Growing up, we always heard stories about him. Not...a different one. Different armor.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)