I'm a little too used to it. [the urge to keep using their phone instead is mighty, but they are doing okay here. instead, they squint a little like they're frowning.] Funny. I didn't really change size or anything.
[that's not the correction you think it is, but okay riff.]
[ i can literally picture this squinting face I KNOW WHO YOU ARE RIFF
anyway, vax's eyes crinkle and he grins when riff squints at him, pleased with his victorious little tease. ]
Sure, yeah. [ and playfully mimes a little 'x' gesture with his arms. like soot sprite arms. less teasing, now: ] ...Did someone find something of yours, maybe?
I don't know what they remember. They just started changing, and then I did, too. And now I think I get it? But I'm not sure I want to. I know Hot Pants said that it's probably a good thing to remember people when they're gone so that they keep living in some form, but...it doesn't feel right.
[this is. extremely vague. but they're working on it.]
[ oof. vague is fine, he can read between the lines. his brows knit, head tilting. ]
... By people who are gone...?
[ trailing off, there, to let them continue, trying to coax just a little more. it just seems to come back to that, doesn't it? memory. this whole week, about memory. ]
It's like...I know they were there once, but when I look at this thing--[they hold up the phone case.]--it just feels like...they don't exist anymore. Like everything about them...
vax reaches out, no longer playing with the phone case, instead reaching out to put his hand gently over riff's. ]
...'s a terrible thing to remember. [ and a hard one, at that. vax hasn't been on that side of things - he's never lost all of his friends, only ever been the one to leave them. ] Doesn't fill the void - but, you know, all of us are here for you.
[they kind of want to pull away just out of instinct, but they don't.]
I think I've been remembering things a little at a time. But that was the biggest I've remembered. ...I do like that everyone else is here, but I guess maybe that's also part of why I don't want some people to leave.
[ proud of them. he's very steady, at least, just letting them talk. ]
... makes sense. [ it's - it's kind of funny, if only because he's had this conversation. with vin, with buzen, and it just keeps coming back to this, doesn't it? don't leave. vax feels the weight of it.
...
his shoulders drop a little, as vax exhales. ]
...comes back to the same thing. Even when they're gone, they're not always gone. Death, dying - it's a part of life. Touches everyone, even when we don't want it to. Maybe especially when we don't. You remembering your friends is something that keeps them alive.
's why places like that graveyard - and the wall, with the notes, everything - why they're so important.
[ from his own side - where vax is the one who is lost - he doesn't know if he wants to be remembered. at least, selflessly. selfishly, he does. selfishly, it'd be easier.
...but, riff doesn't need to hear that, right now. ] So... as you remember, if you want to talk about them. People'll always be here to listen. I will be.
[they consider this for a moment, but they don't seem entirely convinced either.]
...I don't remember enough about any of the people I used to know, except for maybe that girl. And even if I do remember more...[...no, never mind, there are words they actually don't want to say and instead they go quiet for a bit.]
It's been a few days, but I'm still deciding just how much I want to remember now. Especially if my memories are like this.
[ he reaches out, once riff has finished, letting them get all of their thoughts out, and then puts his hand on their arm again, giving it a brief little squeeze. ]
Well. You've got time, yeah? [ no decision has to be made immediately. vax really does see a lot of himself in riff - this is one of those moments. that feeling of anxiety and the unknown ripples through him, always had when he was first dealing with the newly formed pact with the raven queen. he'd thought the same - i've got time - but it didn't always make anything better.
he pulls his hand back, to not make them uncomfortable. ] And who knows? Maybe when you remember stuff, it'll surprise you more than you think.
...Just - keep in mind you're not alone, yeah? [ something vax had to learn as he grew up - there was more than just him and vex'ahlia. ] 's important.
["Time was maybe the problem. But I'm missing things. Do I want them back...? Would it just make it better or worse?"
they don't voice these thoughts out loud, because vax is a nice person and doesn't need to deal with this. so they settle for a nod to try and show gratitude and ignore all of the other garbage in their head at the moment.]
Right. Maybe it will. And if this is happening maybe it'll be faster now. [that sounds hellish.] But thanks. I think...[hm.] It'll be fine. Whatever it is.
[time to never tell the other npcs about anything they're remembering actually, goodbye.]
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[ this is delightful. vax plops down on the couch fairly unceremoniously. ]
Besides, can't say I'm used to anything talking like these things. [ with a wave of his own phone ] Think I prefer it this way.
You look a little different, too. Bigger. [ stop they're not a soot sprite anymore don't tease ]
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I'm a little too used to it. [the urge to keep using their phone instead is mighty, but they are doing okay here. instead, they squint a little like they're frowning.] Funny. I didn't really change size or anything.
[that's not the correction you think it is, but okay riff.]
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anyway, vax's eyes crinkle and he grins when riff squints at him, pleased with his victorious little tease. ]
Sure, yeah. [ and playfully mimes a little 'x' gesture with his arms. like soot sprite arms. less teasing, now: ] ...Did someone find something of yours, maybe?
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but ah. they blink a little and there's a nod. they have no reason not to share, so they pull their phone out of their pocket!
it's now sporting a cute little case that looks like a black kitty cat, ears sticking out from the top.]
Brought it back after trial.
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he will lean in to peer at this! it's kinda cute? vax reaches out to poke it in the kitty ear gently. ]
's yours? Kind of cute. [ riff would get something like a phone case... ] Glad you got it back.
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No. I think it used to belong to a friend. [...] I'm still deciding if I'm glad I have it or not.
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Why's that?
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...Vax, have you heard about the others remembering things when they get items back?
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...yeah. Talked to Steel about it just the other day.
[ our twins :(
the tone of it suggests he's inviting riff to talk about it too, though. emotional support bird time. ]
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I don't know what they remember. They just started changing, and then I did, too. And now I think I get it? But I'm not sure I want to. I know Hot Pants said that it's probably a good thing to remember people when they're gone so that they keep living in some form, but...it doesn't feel right.
[this is. extremely vague. but they're working on it.]
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... By people who are gone...?
[ trailing off, there, to let them continue, trying to coax just a little more. it just seems to come back to that, doesn't it? memory. this whole week, about memory. ]
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It's like...I know they were there once, but when I look at this thing--[they hold up the phone case.]--it just feels like...they don't exist anymore. Like everything about them...
[you have a mouth, riff, use your words.]
I had friends, I think. But all of them are gone.
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vax reaches out, no longer playing with the phone case, instead reaching out to put his hand gently over riff's. ]
...'s a terrible thing to remember. [ and a hard one, at that. vax hasn't been on that side of things - he's never lost all of his friends, only ever been the one to leave them. ] Doesn't fill the void - but, you know, all of us are here for you.
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I think I've been remembering things a little at a time. But that was the biggest I've remembered. ...I do like that everyone else is here, but I guess maybe that's also part of why I don't want some people to leave.
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... makes sense. [ it's - it's kind of funny, if only because he's had this conversation. with vin, with buzen, and it just keeps coming back to this, doesn't it? don't leave. vax feels the weight of it.
...
his shoulders drop a little, as vax exhales. ]
...comes back to the same thing. Even when they're gone, they're not always gone. Death, dying - it's a part of life. Touches everyone, even when we don't want it to. Maybe especially when we don't. You remembering your friends is something that keeps them alive.
's why places like that graveyard - and the wall, with the notes, everything - why they're so important.
[ from his own side - where vax is the one who is lost - he doesn't know if he wants to be remembered. at least, selflessly. selfishly, he does. selfishly, it'd be easier.
...but, riff doesn't need to hear that, right now. ] So... as you remember, if you want to talk about them. People'll always be here to listen. I will be.
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...I don't remember enough about any of the people I used to know, except for maybe that girl. And even if I do remember more...[...no, never mind, there are words they actually don't want to say and instead they go quiet for a bit.]
It's been a few days, but I'm still deciding just how much I want to remember now. Especially if my memories are like this.
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Well. You've got time, yeah? [ no decision has to be made immediately. vax really does see a lot of himself in riff - this is one of those moments. that feeling of anxiety and the unknown ripples through him, always had when he was first dealing with the newly formed pact with the raven queen. he'd thought the same - i've got time - but it didn't always make anything better.
he pulls his hand back, to not make them uncomfortable. ] And who knows? Maybe when you remember stuff, it'll surprise you more than you think.
...Just - keep in mind you're not alone, yeah? [ something vax had to learn as he grew up - there was more than just him and vex'ahlia. ] 's important.
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they don't voice these thoughts out loud, because vax is a nice person and doesn't need to deal with this. so they settle for a nod to try and show gratitude and ignore all of the other garbage in their head at the moment.]
Right. Maybe it will. And if this is happening maybe it'll be faster now. [that sounds hellish.] But thanks. I think...[hm.] It'll be fine. Whatever it is.
[time to never tell the other npcs about anything they're remembering actually, goodbye.]
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he can hear the unsureness in riff's voice, at least, and just frowns at him. this is one of those places where they're similar, after all. ]
...Just don't get too deep in your head. [ reaching up to gently tap them in the forehead area. ] Easy place to get stuck.
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I think maybe I used to get stuck there a lot. [USED TO? RIFF?] But yeah, I know. I get it. I'll try.