[ it looks like absolutely fucking nowhere that vax has ever been, but that's kind of cool, too.
he comes and plops down on the ground near them, folding his legs and looking out at the horizon, watching the clouds. ] You're the one conjuring that too, huh?
Sure is. [ ... rain, storms - these things always remind vax of keyleth. he turns his head to watch it for a long moment, content to simply Vibe. his emotions are, as ever, on his sleeve - there's a warmth to him, but it's small, like a flame instead of a full hearth, encompassed by a much larger melancholy.
it's nice, just to get a little peace - maybe a good time for a morning meditation. ]
The distractions of the world will do that. But your concerns are for your friends, your family, are they not? What purpose will continuing to be hurt serve them?
... Right now, are keep yourself injured perhaps as punishment for yourself in some way? Some internal feeling made external.
[ you don't have to take this from the bitch who intentionally lived in a creepy endless depression castle with no windows, you know. ]
... Before she died, my concentration was the perfection of a sword art so powerful none could withstand it. I had mastered it for centuries before, as I served as her kagemusha. Its power had split Yashiori island in two, and slain the god Orobaxi. It slew the Thunderbird, as its power threatened to overwhelm Serai island. It served - serves - as a symbol of the Shogunate's supreme power over mortality. It is lightning incarnate, one strike to erase all threats.
It could not protect her in the end. I am perhaps imagining too much of myself in this moment, but is it possible that you feel some of this as well? That despite everything, there are some things you cannot protect. Cannot control.
there are a lot of words in that sentence that vax does not understand. like, a lot. however, the crux of it all - i was powerful, and it wasn't enough resonates, hard.
his emotions flicker - a quiet sense of loss and grief and recognition, horror for raiden, a little fear (the idea of losing vex, again, sour in the back of his throat) and for a moment, he's speechless.
...
softly: ] 'm sorry.
[ sorry about her.
what else can you even say? she's making an incredibly valid point but vax gets stuck on the thought of losing a twin like that for a minute, first. ]
but something in her gaze hardens. the emotions tighten like a noose as well. deadly determination. ]
That is what I mean when I say I wish to pursue eternity. If we are able to fix it, to create this place as intended, then that feeling will never be experienced by us. You will never need to feel the fear of losing anyone, ever again.
is someone maybe ... a little crazypants? a bit cuckoo bananas? a bunch of swords keep telling her she's good and right. ]
When I gave up my body and entered the Plane of Euthymia, it was with the intention to create the eternal, unchanging world for my people. I imagine my orders are being carried out in Inazuma as intended. Here, with the power of the Prism, we can do the same. Or something even greater. A peaceful existence. Elimination of all threats.
Makoto would say the same. But she can no longer say anything, have any thoughts or feelings on the matter, as she is dead and gone. That is the price we pay.
[that is definitely an emotion. anyway there's a blip of confusion when he says that name - a lack of understanding, a blankness, but it's swept aside again too. a resolute will of iron. or steel. ]
I have heard the people's dream. A land free of pain and suffering. A place, here, where they can belong, live in contentment with one another.
You say that loss is something that must be accepted, but when someone you love is saved, preserved, you are grateful.
well. he's not going to just lay back - vax pushes back against this, because it hits. she's right, he was grateful that percy was saved, but at what cost? ]
I just saw what happens when you try and fuck with fate. [ because there's some part of him that will alwys feel guilty thinking about malik, too - no matter how many times someone says otherwise, the starkness of a choice between percy and malik felt like it was connected. ] When I saved my sister, it came at a fucking cost. My cost. And there's nothing that I could do to change that. [ this is fierce, matching up iron for iron. there's recognition and loss, too, though - empathy, hitting hard. i see you, maybe. vax uniquely understands the feeling of losing your twin. ] Even when I wanted to run from it, I didn't. Because you're right, that's a dream - but it's not fucking reality.
...You just told me there are some things you can't control no matter how powerful you are. Aren't you just trying to do the same thing with that?
If I could have been the cost, I would have! It was my duty! She left without--
[ Thunder crashes, low and deep enough to rattle the entire building. That is the problem isn't it - that no one has seen her for what feels like an eternity. before, there was no one, and then there were a few, but none saw her true face. What do you do when even your reality feels distant and dreamlike, a fragile illusion. ]
That is not the duty of a god. I will not accept things as they are - will not allow the injury to keep me distracted from the goal. If I cannot create an art that can defeat all beings with one strike, then I will learn to strike twice.
[ for now, apparently, the answer is dig deeper. ]
[ the thunder doesn't scare vax. nothing really does, besides - well, what scared her, too. that feeling of losing his sister is the only thing in the world that has pushed him to the brink. this could have been him. this was, him, when he threw everything away for vex. when he lashed out at percy for causing it, when it was just a mistake. this is pain made violent. it's ugly, and he knows it.
vax stands his ground. not the first time he's faced down a god.
(and, emotion share makes this even more, doesn't it. he's not angry - a little, maybe, but it's tainted with anguish and understanding. much different than looking at vecna. this is looking into a mirror, albeit one so much more powerful, with so much more responsibility, than he could ever have.) ] Nothing's going to bring her back. Not even watching people - never die, it's just going to make it worse, because your sister's never going to fucking be there, Ei!
[ there's his own hurt in there, too.
knowing he's going to watch, from a distance, as vex'ahlia lives out her life - happy, happy she's safe, loved, happy she'll have a wonderful future ahead of her but knowing he caused her so much pain, and knowing he'll never be able to experience it with her. vax is on the other side of this, banging desperately on the glass when he shouldn't even be allowed out of the enclosure. he's the one who left. ]
[ is it more painful to leave or be left. maybe it's not worth weighing. a knife that cuts both ways, equally sharp. she doesn't seem angry either, if anything it's cold fear. recognition. to leave suddenly without a goodbye is to leave an empty space that only festering, rotting grief fills. despite her age, her station, he's much more mature than her. that might be obvious now.
The emotion is confusion again - hollow and reaching for something that doesn't exist - when he says that name.]
[ She is a little angry now, frustrated, leftover embers from the lightning strike of that emotional pass. But then it fades too, to match him. ]
Something dangerous was threatening our borders. Instead of allowing me to go in her stead, she left without warning. By the time I managed to hear of it and catch up to her, it was too late.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ it looks like absolutely fucking nowhere that vax has ever been, but that's kind of cool, too.
he comes and plops down on the ground near them, folding his legs and looking out at the horizon, watching the clouds. ] You're the one conjuring that too, huh?
no subject
I command the lightning, but I do not summon every storm that exists. It is simply what feels right. And sometimes, there is rain.
no subject
Sure is. [ ... rain, storms - these things always remind vax of keyleth. he turns his head to watch it for a long moment, content to simply Vibe. his emotions are, as ever, on his sleeve - there's a warmth to him, but it's small, like a flame instead of a full hearth, encompassed by a much larger melancholy.
it's nice, just to get a little peace - maybe a good time for a morning meditation. ]
no subject
I take it you followed my instructions and healed yourself?
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looks away ]
Started to. [ does that count ]
no subject
[the answer is no? the emotions are Displeased. In a very royal sense of the word.]
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I'll go, I'll go! I went right after we talked, I just couldn't sleep longer than I did!
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It seems you have little self-discipline. It is not surprising.
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listen. LISTEN. ei's not wrong. ] Yeah, yeah... Just had a lot on my mind.
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The distractions of the world will do that. But your concerns are for your friends, your family, are they not? What purpose will continuing to be hurt serve them?
... Right now, are keep yourself injured perhaps as punishment for yourself in some way? Some internal feeling made external.
no subject
he looks away. ]
no subject
... Before she died, my concentration was the perfection of a sword art so powerful none could withstand it. I had mastered it for centuries before, as I served as her kagemusha. Its power had split Yashiori island in two, and slain the god Orobaxi. It slew the Thunderbird, as its power threatened to overwhelm Serai island. It served - serves - as a symbol of the Shogunate's supreme power over mortality. It is lightning incarnate, one strike to erase all threats.
It could not protect her in the end. I am perhaps imagining too much of myself in this moment, but is it possible that you feel some of this as well? That despite everything, there are some things you cannot protect. Cannot control.
no subject
there are a lot of words in that sentence that vax does not understand. like, a lot. however, the crux of it all - i was powerful, and it wasn't enough resonates, hard.
his emotions flicker - a quiet sense of loss and grief and recognition, horror for raiden, a little fear (the idea of losing vex, again, sour in the back of his throat) and for a moment, he's speechless.
...
softly: ] 'm sorry.
[ sorry about her.
what else can you even say? she's making an incredibly valid point but vax gets stuck on the thought of losing a twin like that for a minute, first. ]
no subject
but something in her gaze hardens. the emotions tighten like a noose as well. deadly determination. ]
That is what I mean when I say I wish to pursue eternity. If we are able to fix it, to create this place as intended, then that feeling will never be experienced by us. You will never need to feel the fear of losing anyone, ever again.
no subject
hm. ]
....As intended?
no subject
is someone maybe ... a little crazypants? a bit cuckoo bananas? a bunch of swords keep telling her she's good and right. ]
When I gave up my body and entered the Plane of Euthymia, it was with the intention to create the eternal, unchanging world for my people. I imagine my orders are being carried out in Inazuma as intended. Here, with the power of the Prism, we can do the same. Or something even greater. A peaceful existence. Elimination of all threats.
no subject
he's currently thinking i can't believe i could've been brought here to kill raiden this is unfortunate what the fuck but he doesn't say it. ]
... Death's a natural part of life, Ei. [ there's definite, immediate unease in his emotions, too. ] You can't just do that, no matter who you are.
no subject
[that is definitely an emotion. anyway there's a blip of confusion when he says that name - a lack of understanding, a blankness, but it's swept aside again too. a resolute will of iron. or steel. ]
I have heard the people's dream. A land free of pain and suffering. A place, here, where they can belong, live in contentment with one another.
You say that loss is something that must be accepted, but when someone you love is saved, preserved, you are grateful.
no subject
well. he's not going to just lay back - vax pushes back against this, because it hits. she's right, he was grateful that percy was saved, but at what cost? ]
I just saw what happens when you try and fuck with fate. [ because there's some part of him that will alwys feel guilty thinking about malik, too - no matter how many times someone says otherwise, the starkness of a choice between percy and malik felt like it was connected. ] When I saved my sister, it came at a fucking cost. My cost. And there's nothing that I could do to change that. [ this is fierce, matching up iron for iron. there's recognition and loss, too, though - empathy, hitting hard. i see you, maybe. vax uniquely understands the feeling of losing your twin. ] Even when I wanted to run from it, I didn't. Because you're right, that's a dream - but it's not fucking reality.
...You just told me there are some things you can't control no matter how powerful you are. Aren't you just trying to do the same thing with that?
no subject
[ Thunder crashes, low and deep enough to rattle the entire building. That is the problem isn't it - that no one has seen her for what feels like an eternity. before, there was no one, and then there were a few, but none saw her true face. What do you do when even your reality feels distant and dreamlike, a fragile illusion. ]
That is not the duty of a god. I will not accept things as they are - will not allow the injury to keep me distracted from the goal. If I cannot create an art that can defeat all beings with one strike, then I will learn to strike twice.
[ for now, apparently, the answer is dig deeper. ]
no subject
[ the thunder doesn't scare vax. nothing really does, besides - well, what scared her, too. that feeling of losing his sister is the only thing in the world that has pushed him to the brink. this could have been him. this was, him, when he threw everything away for vex. when he lashed out at percy for causing it, when it was just a mistake. this is pain made violent. it's ugly, and he knows it.
vax stands his ground. not the first time he's faced down a god.
(and, emotion share makes this even more, doesn't it. he's not angry - a little, maybe, but it's tainted with anguish and understanding. much different than looking at vecna. this is looking into a mirror, albeit one so much more powerful, with so much more responsibility, than he could ever have.) ] Nothing's going to bring her back. Not even watching people - never die, it's just going to make it worse, because your sister's never going to fucking be there, Ei!
[ there's his own hurt in there, too.
knowing he's going to watch, from a distance, as vex'ahlia lives out her life - happy, happy she's safe, loved, happy she'll have a wonderful future ahead of her but knowing he caused her so much pain, and knowing he'll never be able to experience it with her. vax is on the other side of this, banging desperately on the glass when he shouldn't even be allowed out of the enclosure. he's the one who left. ]
no subject
The emotion is confusion again - hollow and reaching for something that doesn't exist - when he says that name.]
I don't know who-- you're speaking to.
no subject
vax shakes his head, and all that's left is the empathy, and the sorrow, less heated and just achingly sad. his shoulders slump. ]
... You, Steel.
[ fuck. ]
...She left without saying goodbye, huh.
no subject
Something dangerous was threatening our borders. Instead of allowing me to go in her stead, she left without warning. By the time I managed to hear of it and catch up to her, it was too late.
... Were you allowed to say goodbye? To Vex?
no subject
Not the first time. I was in a fucking hole, retrieving a friend of ours who'd fainted.
[ when vex died - the darkness of the sunken tomb is a memory that vax can recall for every detail, a perfect flash memory. ]
I came up to the surface, and she was dead.