[ good. something small in him relaxes, when riff lets him in just a little, scooting close like that. his wings are warm and fluffy - there's no ooze or anything, right now - and like this, they're the most like his normal ones would be as a celestial. just an extension of himself, as protective and as caring as he can be.
vax'ildan listens as he talks, heart aching, for the sound of a fate met. a brutal one, at that. ]
... So you had to save your home, and lost them as a price.
[sometimes...you would like a hug but you're too stupid to actually ask at the moment. so this is good enough. the wings are very cozy, thanks.]
As far as I know, that's right. [but...] I don't think it is. I don't have any confirmation on that, but just...from the way things are, I don't think so. We haven't really talked about remembering stuff.
[ he's getting a wing hug!!! he'll get a real hug too, honestly, one of vax's arms coming up to hook around his shoulders to match it, too. it's half out of comfort but also half to keep him from Escaping in case he tries to from this conversation - his tone is gentle, but firm, too. ]
...Riff, you're not going to want to hear this, but you have to talk to him about it.
I can't. If they don't match, I can't do that to him. If I ask, he'll want to know the same and then I'll have to tell him, and I can't do that. Not when he just lost another really important friend and after what happened to everyone who got in our heads or whatever happened there.
[ vax's frown deepens - brows furrowed, concern and - empathy, really, immediately obvious, but he doesn't let it go, coaxing gently. ]
...They might not be, you're right. He might be from before you, like Percy was for me.
...But what if it's past you? What if something happened, and it's fixed? Fate's not set in stone, Riff, it never is. It sounds like you've dealt in it plenty, too.
It's a risk you'd have to take. You can assume the worst, and hope for the best, but you'll never know unless you try.
[it's probably a good thing it isn't emotion sharing anymore because the emotions are a very loud, blatant "NO." on the other hand, there are shadows still crawling up everywhere, darker almost like his original form.
there's a slight, uneven breath like he's trying to keep it together and continue being rational instead of emotional at the moment.]
I've changed fate a lot. Or at least that's what that guy made it sound like. Like every time I turned back time, it just made the future worse. How am I supposed to fix this if it's not past me? I can't give him that hope that I could change something.
[logically, yes, vax is incredibly right. emotionally, he's busy panicking and doesn't seem to have the mental capacity to focus and be mature about this for a minute.]
That's why...it's better to stay here. For both of us.
okay. the arm around his shoulder squeezes, tight. he recognizes those reactions - it doesn't have to be emotion share for him to understand the shaky feeling of anxiety and panic, because he knows them intimately. ]
Riff. [ gentler, this time - his rough voice full of that same worry, of that same ache. of empathy, really, watching the consequences of the decisions you've made. he's not reacting or freaking out, not yelling or anything, just -
worried. just watching this and hearing the weight of the world on riff's shoulders is hard. ] Slow down. Take a breath with me, yeah?
[maybe it would have been better, actually, if riff said anything to anyone prior to this, though he thinks about the arguments he's had with someone. about needing to remember. about needing to go home. but it doesn't matter. what the fuck is the point of going home when the people you want to be with aren't going to be there with you? maybe vax is right and bass remembers something else. but...how would he even know? how would they even know the timeline of events when they're both still missing so many memories?
but remembering memories...hurts. it hurts, a continual knife in the door, wiggling it loose until all of the terrible things come spilling in.
'I thought maybe it was just a dream and then you guys came back and now it's way more obvious it's stuff that actually happened. So why do the memories keep getting worse?'
'Because it sounds like you've had a lot of bad shit happen to you.'
'Maybe.'
'I don't think it's just a 'maybe' kiddo'
it's. like. it's not fair? this isn't even about being fair, but it sort of is in a way. everything was fine before the refraction started and memories started coming back and sticking all four of them in an in-between situation. everything was fine before people started killing, started dying, started hurting in ways that can't be fixed so immediately. everything was fine when he forgot things.
so why can't he just go back to forgetting?
vax says to slow down and breathe and unfortunately that's not exactly an option given the way his breathing sort of hitches into a quiet hiccup before he moves to try and dig both of his hands into his eyes to stop whatever tears are trying to escape.]
I can't... [it's not clear what he can't do, but give him a second to try and regroup. sorry vax. this may not be the first time someone has told him to talk to the others about their memories, but this is...a pretty raw subject, at the moment.]
[ that's fine - it's not, really, it's not fine, because it fucking sucks to see riff just break down like this, breaks his heart into a thousand pieces, but he can break down. it's safe, here, in his own apartment, and - hopefully, with vax, too.
his other wing comes up like a barrier, blocking out the outside for a moment, and he just grabs rindo and pulls him in. this time, it's for a hug, full on, fierce and loving and safe. solid. he just wraps him up and takes a big, deep breath, steady, in, and out, in, and out.
he knows how close riff was to meteion. he knows, how much that memory and that guilt must be weighing on him. vax knows because he's been there, walked that exact same path, held those exact same sadnesses, but he always leaked them free at the seams. it makes it easier for him to know when someone else is trying to bottle it all away: you can't always just hide from those feelings. god knows he used to try. ]
[it's not fine! it's really not, especially when he's in his own house and this isn't what he meant to do especially when vax has a very valid point, but also. sometimes you are still fifteen years old and you are once again made aware of how much you actually don't have control over.
on the one hand, he doesn't resist the movement for once, planting himself into vax and trying to figure out what to do with his hands to make himself stop crying or return the hug or do something. it's a little hard to follow the pattern at first, disjointed breaths in and not enough out.
it was a lot easier when he had something else to focus on and he could ignore everything to think about his own stupid memories later. bottling wasn't even always on purpose, really, just something he did when other people were hurting and when he didn't want to rock the boat and make things uneasy. but here, he doesn't get much of a choice.
it takes a little bit to regain his footing, even if he's well-aware he's crying and now would like to descend straight to hell as to not be perceived, but his breathing evens out into the same pattern vax is giving him. he also doesn't bother to move for a second.]
This...wasn't meant to happen.
[it's quiet, but at least it's a little steadier.]
[ baby. vax just holds him as he panics, letting riff just bury himself in the darkness of his wings and a lot of layers of black clothing, for a moment safe and hidden away from the world. he doesn't seem bothered that riff is crying, and doesn't draw any attention to it, either - just curls over him and holds him tight, letting him stay there as long as he needs to, until he can stabilize. deep breath in, deep breath out. deep breath in, deep breath out. like he'd do for kynan. like no one really could do for him, because he hid it all away.
once he seems to settle a little, vax's hand settles on his back, and gently rubs it, letting riff hide as much as he wants. it's a little reminiscent of the little soot sprite, all those weeks ago. ]
Which part? [ it's a little dry - the part about having a breakdown, or the big everything. ]
[he should get up. he should pull himself together, get up, and look at vax and recollect himself to have a normal conversation about this.
...except...part of him doesn't want to. it hits him, suddenly, that same weight that happened on thursday, being so tired and not wanting to even try anything, the desire to sort of just fade away for a while and not deal with it.
but he hears the dry tone, so he answers even from where he doesn't quite let up.]
This. [he gestures to himself first.] And this. [a gesture to the whole apartment.] And this. [a gesture outside.
the breakdown, and the big everything. he can't control either of them nor does he have answers for them.]
[ well, right now, he doesn't have to. he lets rindo stay, hidden and safe and wrapped up in the feathers on his back - the outside world is shitty, and full of murder and all sorts of nightmarish shit, but it's nice and warm and soft in here, at least.
he's quiet for a moment, feeling the gestures more than seeing them. ]
Lot of shit in this place we can't control. [ there's a squeeze, the hug a little tighter. ] Fate being one of those things. Prism really takes 'supposed to' and turns it right on its head.
We're all trying to find those answers, you know. Everybody here, together. Means you don't have to do it all alone.
[settle down and accept the affection you dumb bitch.
it's hard, kind of, when rindo is used to keeping everyone at arms length and trying to do things on his own in a way that's best for everyone. he's gotten better of course. he's remembered enough about teamwork, the things they used to do where he was from, and yet...
...the instinct, always, is to pull back and hide and never let people in.
which is probably why people have fought with him about it, but that's neither here nor there. he's keeping his grip loose around vax but he shivers just a little, focusing on breathing for a second while he listens.]
It never used to be like this, and that's what scares me. The refraction's just...another problem we don't know how to fix. Like. How many more people have to die until we get a solution, you know?
[it sucks! his home! etc. nevertheless....]
...why do people keep saying that to me? [maybe because you need the reminder, riff, but okay.]
[ settle down and accept the affection you dumb binch!!!
the good thing is that rindo can't escape, now! he is trapped. spending time with vax does have the benefit of being both excellent for talking and excellent for hiding, at least. he listens, tilting his head up a little to prop it on top of rindo's head... and then once he's finished, leans back just a bit. it's just enough to look at riff, if he's willing to lift his head, though the wings stay wrapped around like a warm, safe cocoon.
he prods at him, in the forehead if he lifts his head, or on the top of his head if he doesn't. ]
People keep saying it to you because you need to hear it, dumbass. [ this is very affectionate! ] Sometimes 's hard to remember that - feels a lot easier to just do it on your own, but everybody's got something they're struggling through.
We're never gonna know how to fix it if we just give up on it, though. You know? Might make it worse, but we might find a way to make it better, too. That matters.
[nooooo. the prodding, actually, is what gets him to lift his head despite looking very annoyed he started crying.]
Do I? It's not like I don't know that...Hot Pants literally said the same thing to me earlier today. [which maybe should be a flag, but.] I just don't want this kind of stuff to get in the way of the mission.
...Marceline said she found something she thinks is mine from when they disappeared Thursday, and that it was up to me if I got it back. And Damien said it's likely none of us get a real choice in what we're remembering. So I guess it's just...deciding if I want to remember, first of all. And then if I do, do I want to remember before I say anything to Bass? Or do I talk to him first and then try to remember? When even is a good time? Meteion's gone, and...he takes this stuff harder than I do, I think.
[it's debatable since riff doesn't let himself feel certain things if he can help it, but it's fine.]
So it's not about giving up. It's about timing. [and stalling. can't forget the stalling.]
[ that is a lot of questions, but that's okay. he nudges at riff's cheek when he lifts his head, wiping some of the wetness away - it's a little jostling, but only in the spirit of his prodding, affectionate and caring. ]
Think this is part of it. 'Mission', if you wanna call it that. Your guys's memories are just as important as everything else - finding those has got to be a part of helping us crack this thing open.
[ he won't fuss too much, though, pulling his hands back, and weighing those questions thoughtfully. ]
... What if the two of you try and remember it together?
Why not, right? Then you two can support each other - maybe confirm some things, too.
[ something both emotional and practical - maybe something both riff and bass would need. ]
... I told Percy a lot of stuff, right before he - well. You know. [ almost got executed. he doesn't linger on that long. ] He thought he was dead, and I was able to tell him otherwise. We've... 's been goo, to have him here, whether we get along all the time or not. Hard shit and all.
Two of you've got each other. You should lean into it.
...as good a time as any. And I think he needed to hear it. That's a little different. I'm...glad you were able to tell him otherwise. I think even when you fight with your friends it's always better to have them around.
[ vax gives him a little bit of an unimpressed look when he changes the subject because this isn't ABOUT HIM and his dissassociatively murderous brother in law this is about these two teens but there's no heat to it.
and when he acquiesces, he ruffles his hair. ]
Good. Just don't think about it too long, yeah? Told Bass that once, too. People like you and Percival need people like me and him around.
[ aka people who don't linger on decisions and just fckin yolo into things directly. ]
[ he has absolutely not managed to skate away from that. that's what i THOUGHT you'd do you dumb fucking riff ]
Think you're gonna need to hear whatever it is Bass remembers, too. Think it'd be good for you both.
[ but, he will acquiesce a little, reaching out to bat at rindo's cheek like he's gonna pinch it. ] 's how I feel watching you two! Peas in a fucking pod. Percy and I've got our own weird shit going on that we had to figure out, and we've figured it out, mostly. 's your turn now.
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vax'ildan listens as he talks, heart aching, for the sound of a fate met. a brutal one, at that. ]
... So you had to save your home, and lost them as a price.
[ that's heartbreaking. ]
Is that the last thing Bass remembers, too?
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As far as I know, that's right. [but...] I don't think it is. I don't have any confirmation on that, but just...from the way things are, I don't think so. We haven't really talked about remembering stuff.
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...Riff, you're not going to want to hear this, but you have to talk to him about it.
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...what, and tell him I did something to erase him and there's no chance of him coming back?
[yes, that would absolutely go well.]
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[ immediately - because yeah, he'd run from that conversation too. ]
You - Percy and I aren't from anywhere near each other. It's been years since the last thing he remembers compared to what I do.
Everything here is a fucking mess. At least try and find out the last thing he remembers - it might surprise you.
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I can't. If they don't match, I can't do that to him. If I ask, he'll want to know the same and then I'll have to tell him, and I can't do that. Not when he just lost another really important friend and after what happened to everyone who got in our heads or whatever happened there.
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...They might not be, you're right. He might be from before you, like Percy was for me.
...But what if it's past you? What if something happened, and it's fixed? Fate's not set in stone, Riff, it never is. It sounds like you've dealt in it plenty, too.
It's a risk you'd have to take. You can assume the worst, and hope for the best, but you'll never know unless you try.
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there's a slight, uneven breath like he's trying to keep it together and continue being rational instead of emotional at the moment.]
I've changed fate a lot. Or at least that's what that guy made it sound like. Like every time I turned back time, it just made the future worse. How am I supposed to fix this if it's not past me? I can't give him that hope that I could change something.
[logically, yes, vax is incredibly right. emotionally, he's busy panicking and doesn't seem to have the mental capacity to focus and be mature about this for a minute.]
That's why...it's better to stay here. For both of us.
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okay. the arm around his shoulder squeezes, tight. he recognizes those reactions - it doesn't have to be emotion share for him to understand the shaky feeling of anxiety and panic, because he knows them intimately. ]
Riff. [ gentler, this time - his rough voice full of that same worry, of that same ache. of empathy, really, watching the consequences of the decisions you've made. he's not reacting or freaking out, not yelling or anything, just -
worried. just watching this and hearing the weight of the world on riff's shoulders is hard. ] Slow down. Take a breath with me, yeah?
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but remembering memories...hurts. it hurts, a continual knife in the door, wiggling it loose until all of the terrible things come spilling in.
'I thought maybe it was just a dream and then you guys came back and now it's way more obvious it's stuff that actually happened. So why do the memories keep getting worse?'
'Because it sounds like you've had a lot of bad shit happen to you.'
'Maybe.'
'I don't think it's just a 'maybe' kiddo'
it's. like. it's not fair? this isn't even about being fair, but it sort of is in a way. everything was fine before the refraction started and memories started coming back and sticking all four of them in an in-between situation. everything was fine before people started killing, started dying, started hurting in ways that can't be fixed so immediately. everything was fine when he forgot things.
so why can't he just go back to forgetting?
vax says to slow down and breathe and unfortunately that's not exactly an option given the way his breathing sort of hitches into a quiet hiccup before he moves to try and dig both of his hands into his eyes to stop whatever tears are trying to escape.]
I can't... [it's not clear what he can't do, but give him a second to try and regroup. sorry vax. this may not be the first time someone has told him to talk to the others about their memories, but this is...a pretty raw subject, at the moment.]
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his other wing comes up like a barrier, blocking out the outside for a moment, and he just grabs rindo and pulls him in. this time, it's for a hug, full on, fierce and loving and safe. solid. he just wraps him up and takes a big, deep breath, steady, in, and out, in, and out.
he knows how close riff was to meteion. he knows, how much that memory and that guilt must be weighing on him. vax knows because he's been there, walked that exact same path, held those exact same sadnesses, but he always leaked them free at the seams. it makes it easier for him to know when someone else is trying to bottle it all away: you can't always just hide from those feelings. god knows he used to try. ]
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on the one hand, he doesn't resist the movement for once, planting himself into vax and trying to figure out what to do with his hands to make himself stop crying or return the hug or do something. it's a little hard to follow the pattern at first, disjointed breaths in and not enough out.
it was a lot easier when he had something else to focus on and he could ignore everything to think about his own stupid memories later. bottling wasn't even always on purpose, really, just something he did when other people were hurting and when he didn't want to rock the boat and make things uneasy. but here, he doesn't get much of a choice.
it takes a little bit to regain his footing, even if he's well-aware he's crying and now would like to descend straight to hell as to not be perceived, but his breathing evens out into the same pattern vax is giving him. he also doesn't bother to move for a second.]
This...wasn't meant to happen.
[it's quiet, but at least it's a little steadier.]
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once he seems to settle a little, vax's hand settles on his back, and gently rubs it, letting riff hide as much as he wants. it's a little reminiscent of the little soot sprite, all those weeks ago. ]
Which part? [ it's a little dry - the part about having a breakdown, or the big everything. ]
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...except...part of him doesn't want to. it hits him, suddenly, that same weight that happened on thursday, being so tired and not wanting to even try anything, the desire to sort of just fade away for a while and not deal with it.
but he hears the dry tone, so he answers even from where he doesn't quite let up.]
This. [he gestures to himself first.] And this. [a gesture to the whole apartment.] And this. [a gesture outside.
the breakdown, and the big everything. he can't control either of them nor does he have answers for them.]
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he's quiet for a moment, feeling the gestures more than seeing them. ]
Lot of shit in this place we can't control. [ there's a squeeze, the hug a little tighter. ] Fate being one of those things. Prism really takes 'supposed to' and turns it right on its head.
We're all trying to find those answers, you know. Everybody here, together. Means you don't have to do it all alone.
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it's hard, kind of, when rindo is used to keeping everyone at arms length and trying to do things on his own in a way that's best for everyone. he's gotten better of course. he's remembered enough about teamwork, the things they used to do where he was from, and yet...
...the instinct, always, is to pull back and hide and never let people in.
which is probably why people have fought with him about it, but that's neither here nor there. he's keeping his grip loose around vax but he shivers just a little, focusing on breathing for a second while he listens.]
It never used to be like this, and that's what scares me. The refraction's just...another problem we don't know how to fix. Like. How many more people have to die until we get a solution, you know?
[it sucks! his home! etc. nevertheless....]
...why do people keep saying that to me? [maybe because you need the reminder, riff, but okay.]
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the good thing is that rindo can't escape, now! he is trapped. spending time with vax does have the benefit of being both excellent for talking and excellent for hiding, at least. he listens, tilting his head up a little to prop it on top of rindo's head... and then once he's finished, leans back just a bit. it's just enough to look at riff, if he's willing to lift his head, though the wings stay wrapped around like a warm, safe cocoon.
he prods at him, in the forehead if he lifts his head, or on the top of his head if he doesn't. ]
People keep saying it to you because you need to hear it, dumbass. [ this is very affectionate! ] Sometimes 's hard to remember that - feels a lot easier to just do it on your own, but everybody's got something they're struggling through.
We're never gonna know how to fix it if we just give up on it, though. You know? Might make it worse, but we might find a way to make it better, too. That matters.
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Do I? It's not like I don't know that...Hot Pants literally said the same thing to me earlier today. [which maybe should be a flag, but.] I just don't want this kind of stuff to get in the way of the mission.
...Marceline said she found something she thinks is mine from when they disappeared Thursday, and that it was up to me if I got it back. And Damien said it's likely none of us get a real choice in what we're remembering. So I guess it's just...deciding if I want to remember, first of all. And then if I do, do I want to remember before I say anything to Bass? Or do I talk to him first and then try to remember? When even is a good time? Meteion's gone, and...he takes this stuff harder than I do, I think.
[it's debatable since riff doesn't let himself feel certain things if he can help it, but it's fine.]
So it's not about giving up. It's about timing. [and stalling. can't forget the stalling.]
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Think this is part of it. 'Mission', if you wanna call it that. Your guys's memories are just as important as everything else - finding those has got to be a part of helping us crack this thing open.
[ he won't fuss too much, though, pulling his hands back, and weighing those questions thoughtfully. ]
... What if the two of you try and remember it together?
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...maybe. I don't know how much of us remembering is good and how much of it is going to be bad in the long run. But it does change some things.
[...that's a thought.]
What do you mean though? Like get our stuff back at the same time and see what happens?
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[ something both emotional and practical - maybe something both riff and bass would need. ]
... I told Percy a lot of stuff, right before he - well. You know. [ almost got executed. he doesn't linger on that long. ] He thought he was dead, and I was able to tell him otherwise. We've... 's been goo, to have him here, whether we get along all the time or not. Hard shit and all.
Two of you've got each other. You should lean into it.
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he makes this not about him and bass
and more about percy and vax? yeah!]
...as good a time as any. And I think he needed to hear it. That's a little different. I'm...glad you were able to tell him otherwise. I think even when you fight with your friends it's always better to have them around.
[...a sigh.] I'll think about it.
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and when he acquiesces, he ruffles his hair. ]
Good. Just don't think about it too long, yeah? Told Bass that once, too. People like you and Percival need people like me and him around.
[ aka people who don't linger on decisions and just fckin yolo into things directly. ]
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but...there's a huff.]
Yeah, I know, I know. Seeing the two of you together really made a lot of sense.
[which two? percy and vax? or vax and bass during curfew? he does not clarify.]
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Think you're gonna need to hear whatever it is Bass remembers, too. Think it'd be good for you both.
[ but, he will acquiesce a little, reaching out to bat at rindo's cheek like he's gonna pinch it. ] 's how I feel watching you two! Peas in a fucking pod. Percy and I've got our own weird shit going on that we had to figure out, and we've figured it out, mostly. 's your turn now.
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