only because i asked her to she didnt really have anywhere else to go so i thought it made sense to ask her to join our team even if she used to really piss me off and she kinda betrayed us but then she decided to stay with us anyway she never told me she knew me before we met irl tho i only found out before i got sent to the new timeline idk none of this really makes it easier to tell bass either way
Maybe not, but... Iunno. Think it's not bad to remember stuff like that, either. And if she decided to stay, think that matters. ...Trust is hard. I get that. Think you're an even bigger person than me if you let her back in so quickly. You can't tell me everything you remembered about that girl's bad. You deserve those happy memories too.
As for telling Bass. I can try and poke around and see if he'll tell me the last thing he remembers, if you really want, but I think its got to be you, still. Sometimes the hardest shit is what's worth the most doing. I don't think it's gonna get any easier. You're just gonna psych yourself out of it, the longer you wait, you know.
...she's the one who tipped us off that the shinjuku reapers wanted to destroy shibuya they were gonna let her go back to their side but she said no i remember her...and the others from my team even the good things but remembering the good things kind of hurts too im not sure its supposed to be that way i dont know i know i have to do this myself dont i have a little more time at least?
Mm. ... I dunno. Sometimes, I remember stuff about home, and it hurts. My sister and Percy're married, when I'm from. They'll have kids, one day. I'll never get to meet them. Fucks me up, even now. I accepted it - doesn't make it hurt any less, sometimes. Don't think that shit ever really goes away. So, maybe it's supposed to be that way. Or, at least it is for people like us.
Tell me about the rest of your team, someday? I wanna hear it.
[ there's a little pause between messages, here, the icon of someone typing and stopping.
...it always seems to come down to that, doesn't it? just a little more time. ]
...You know how the end of the week goes.
[ he probably doesn't have to elaborate on that one. ]
so how do u make it hurt less? even if u accept it why do we have to accept these things anyway? i mean i get why but its just... its not fair for anybody ...i dont want to believe someones gonna refract again but its almost like a schedule now once it started it became harder to contain i get ur point
I think because... Everything in life's got to have some kind of balance. Good stuff, bad stuff. Shit that hurts, shit that doesn't. Life, death, all of it. It's the way of things. Sometimes it's shitty and unfair and pointless. Sometimes it's fucking amazing.
It took me a long time to stop just Existing. Going from place to place and surviving. Never had any purpose until I met *my* team. I know now I'd rather hurt than just exist. I learned to lean on the people that I love when I needed it, maybe especially when I didn't want to. Decided to send a big middle finger to all the awful stuff in my life and keep moving forward, even when everything totally fell apart. Even now that I know I'll never see them again, or - at least not for centuries, for most of them, they're still with me. So I think I don't ever really make it hurt less. I think I just love, more. Balance it out. I told Bass the same thing. It's better to love and lose than to never have loved at all.
I know you lost everything, and I know you're still trying to remember. I know it's fucking scary as hell. We're here for you too, you know. If you go back to that world, and you've got all this stuff going on with death, I can think of a matron who'd want a champion to go check that shit out. I'm not going anywhere. Neither is anyone else you've met, here. Even if we're not right next to you, we're still with you.
[ also wow, rindo, weekly murder? who would do that!!! whomst
the second part's answer is succinct after the Vax Pep Talk (TM) because he knows riff gets it. he doesn't need to harp on it. ]
...im still learning i think thats what it all comes down to im scared and im still learning and i dont want to be alone when this is over so i guess...
["this isn't a game to play alone."
doesn't that apply here, too?]
im scared of people forgetting as soon as they leave like this place never existed and we never existed its easy to say now that people will be with us even when they leave but...i just have to trust u guys dont i
there's no pause for his messages at all - they come one after another. ]
I won't forget you. Can promise you that. ... That's something I've been dealing with, too. If I wanted to be remembered or not. Think being here made me realize I do.
...All I have when this is over is being remembered. So. You promise not to forget me, and I won't forget you either. And then I'll come find whoever caused you those problems in that stupid game and deliver them an ass kicking courtesy of the Raven Queen while we're at it. Sound good?
i said this to hot pants once wondering what was worse: not having people around and not remembering or not having them around and being the only one who remembers theres been so much confusion here about remembering things and what we should do if we should and how we should that i think...making the choice to want it is important for both of us right? its not like i could forget u even if i tried ...but ok keeping each other accountable and remembered until we meet again sounds good to me
[it's still scary!! and he's still a little unsure, but like. this does help. it's the start of maybe starting to accept that they really, really do have to change things.]
so as mentioned, it is in fact raining in shibuya. the lights are bright in the city, shops still open, people wandering through, but the blue door sits at the top of the stairs at the side of 104.
when vax comes in, the apartment's a little dark. there's thumping around in tora's room, like the tiger is occupying herself, and riff himself is bundled up in a blanket burrito on the couch with his phone and something playing on the tv. there's a small pile of records on the couch, salvaged from shalegate.]
...there's towels in the bathroom if you want to dry off.
[ yeah sometimes you just have a big emotional conversation and need to see someone irl!! phones are dumb actually
anyway, predictably, vax is soaking wet when he enters the door - he pulls his hood back, but otherwise doesn't seem to mind too much, trodding over boots and all with a, ] Nah.
[ and then just draping over riff over the top of the couch in a (wet) hug. ]
not that it matters. it doesn't matter because vax is draping over him and riff's arms are moving to return the gesture. sometimes you are emotionally tapped out but express appreciation anyway. ]
You're gonna have to explain this to me a hundred times over.
[ but as he releases, with a deep breath, in and out, he will go fetch a towel, toe out of his boots, and then come flop down on the couch next to him, grabbing for a blanket to toss it over them both fairly unceremoniously. ]
[subconsciously, maybe, he actually follows that breathing pattern for a second and then vax is off to get a towel. blankets...and a vax. he's pretty okay with this even as he's clicking through to start over from episode one.]
It's pretty easy if you just don't ask about all of the subplots and how many episodes there actually are.
[ as he's toweling off his hair and tosses the towel half assed on the ground (he'll pick it up later, probably) vax settles down, peering back at the tv. it's still just wild they can - watch shit like this, like it's nothing, frankly, let alone considering the idea of 'episodes' or 'subplots' so he just nods along. ]
Trust me, I'm not gonna ask. [ but otherwise, just pulls the blanket up and tucks them both sort of half in. time to be slugs on the couch and watch some alchemists. ] Let it roll.
[we can call this one a wrap because a lot of things are happening but this is just to establish that a.) he's letting himself lean against vax and b.) he will occasionally explain what's actually going on in each episode and vax doesn't get to leave for at least six episodes.]
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That's good. Did you remember any more about her? Shoka.
Yeah, won't be the first time I've run into something daggers blazing without any information
Usually works out okay
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she didnt really have anywhere else to go so
i thought it made sense to ask her to join our team
even if she used to really piss me off
and she kinda betrayed us
but then she decided to stay with us anyway
she never told me she knew me before we met irl tho
i only found out before i got sent to the new timeline
idk
none of this really makes it easier to tell bass either way
no subject
Iunno.
Think it's not bad to remember stuff like that, either.
And if she decided to stay, think that matters.
...Trust is hard.
I get that. Think you're an even bigger person than me if you let her back in so quickly.
You can't tell me everything you remembered about that girl's bad. You deserve those happy memories too.
As for telling Bass.
I can try and poke around and see if he'll tell me the last thing he remembers, if you really want, but I think its got to be you, still.
Sometimes the hardest shit is what's worth the most doing.
I don't think it's gonna get any easier. You're just gonna psych yourself out of it, the longer you wait, you know.
no subject
they were gonna let her go back to their side
but she said no
i remember her...and the others from my team
even the good things
but remembering the good things kind of hurts too
im not sure its supposed to be that way
i dont know
i know i have to do this myself
dont i have a little more time at least?
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... I dunno. Sometimes, I remember stuff about home, and it hurts.
My sister and Percy're married, when I'm from. They'll have kids, one day. I'll never get to meet them.
Fucks me up, even now. I accepted it - doesn't make it hurt any less, sometimes.
Don't think that shit ever really goes away.
So, maybe it's supposed to be that way. Or, at least it is for people like us.
Tell me about the rest of your team, someday? I wanna hear it.
[ there's a little pause between messages, here, the icon of someone typing and stopping.
...it always seems to come down to that, doesn't it? just a little more time. ]
...You know how the end of the week goes.
[ he probably doesn't have to elaborate on that one. ]
no subject
even if u accept it
why do we have to accept these things anyway?
i mean i get why but its just...
its not fair for anybody
...i dont want to believe someones gonna refract again
but its almost like a schedule now
once it started it became harder to contain
i get ur point
[he just doesn't really like it.]
no subject
Everything in life's got to have some kind of balance.
Good stuff, bad stuff. Shit that hurts, shit that doesn't.
Life, death, all of it. It's the way of things.
Sometimes it's shitty and unfair and pointless.
Sometimes it's fucking amazing.
It took me a long time to stop just
Existing. Going from place to place and surviving. Never had any purpose until I met *my* team.
I know now I'd rather hurt than just exist.
I learned to lean on the people that I love when I needed it, maybe especially when I didn't want to. Decided to send a big middle finger to all the awful stuff in my life and keep moving forward, even when everything totally fell apart.
Even now that I know I'll never see them again, or - at least not for centuries, for most of them, they're still with me.
So I think I don't ever really make it hurt less. I think I just love, more. Balance it out.
I told Bass the same thing.
It's better to love and lose than to never have loved at all.
I know you lost everything, and I know you're still trying to remember.
I know it's fucking scary as hell.
We're here for you too, you know. If you go back to that world, and you've got all this stuff going on with death, I can think of a matron who'd want a champion to go check that shit out.
I'm not going anywhere. Neither is anyone else you've met, here. Even if we're not right next to you, we're still with you.
[ also wow, rindo, weekly murder? who would do that!!! whomst
the second part's answer is succinct after the Vax Pep Talk (TM) because he knows riff gets it. he doesn't need to harp on it. ]
I know you do.
no subject
...im still learning
i think thats what it all comes down to
im scared and im still learning and i dont want to be alone when this is over
so i guess...
["this isn't a game to play alone."
doesn't that apply here, too?]
im scared of people forgetting as soon as they leave
like this place never existed and we never existed
its easy to say now that people will be with us even when they leave
but...i just have to trust u guys dont i
no subject
there's no pause for his messages at all - they come one after another. ]
I won't forget you.
Can promise you that.
... That's something I've been dealing with, too.
If I wanted to be remembered or not.
Think being here made me realize I do.
...All I have when this is over is being remembered.
So. You promise not to forget me, and I won't forget you either.
And then I'll come find whoever caused you those problems in that stupid game and deliver them an ass kicking courtesy of the Raven Queen while we're at it.
Sound good?
no subject
wondering what was worse: not having people around and not remembering or not having them around and being the only one who remembers
theres been so much confusion here about remembering things and what we should do
if we should and how we should
that i think...making the choice to want it is important
for both of us
right?
its not like i could forget u even if i tried
...but ok
keeping each other accountable and remembered until we meet again
sounds good to me
[it's still scary!! and he's still a little unsure, but like. this does help. it's the start of maybe starting to accept that they really, really do have to change things.]
no subject
Yeah, it is.
I think so too.
Are you in your archway, right now?
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its raining
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[
he's coming over. ]
no subject
should've expected that.
so as mentioned, it is in fact raining in shibuya. the lights are bright in the city, shops still open, people wandering through, but the blue door sits at the top of the stairs at the side of 104.
when vax comes in, the apartment's a little dark. there's thumping around in tora's room, like the tiger is occupying herself, and riff himself is bundled up in a blanket burrito on the couch with his phone and something playing on the tv. there's a small pile of records on the couch, salvaged from shalegate.]
...there's towels in the bathroom if you want to dry off.
no subject
anyway, predictably, vax is soaking wet when he enters the door - he pulls his hood back, but otherwise doesn't seem to mind too much, trodding over boots and all with a, ] Nah.
[ and then just draping over riff over the top of the couch in a (wet) hug. ]
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not that it matters. it doesn't matter because vax is draping over him and riff's arms are moving to return the gesture. sometimes you are emotionally tapped out but express appreciation anyway. ]
...thanks.
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he just loops his arms around him kinda comfortably and squeezes, then rests his chin on his head. ]
Mhm.
[ and they can just sit like this, for a long, long minute. sometimes you know your son's been Goin Through It ]
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...wanna stay for a while? I can start over from the first episode.
[he may or may not be watching fma:b. but also don't go?]
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[ but as he releases, with a deep breath, in and out, he will go fetch a towel, toe out of his boots, and then come flop down on the couch next to him, grabbing for a blanket to toss it over them both fairly unceremoniously. ]
no subject
It's pretty easy if you just don't ask about all of the subplots and how many episodes there actually are.
no subject
Trust me, I'm not gonna ask. [ but otherwise, just pulls the blanket up and tucks them both sort of half in. time to be slugs on the couch and watch some alchemists. ] Let it roll.
no subject