Week 6 cyoa: hei, jiuqing, vin, and kashuu

[saturations]

spoiler warnings: ff14 heavensward and some light endwalker elements
content warnings: violence, death, war, terrorism (short), brief mentions/references for eyegore, brief mention/reference for decapitation, depression, suicidal ideation (nihilist flavor), suicide, dragons and monsters eating people

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🕊️ Ę̸͈͚̃̀N̸̩̂̋̀D̷̙́́

[disestablishment]

[ This illusion ends and you find yourself in a black void, now with your mind back in place. This is an abyss of nothing but yourself, and you start to wonder if you're truly here... You don't feel any pain despite how you retain all of your wounds and injuries, but what is there to validate your existence? Is this death? But then you hear the same familiar voice from the beginning.

"Why must you struggle? Have you not suffered enough...?"

Even if you can't see with your lack of eyes, your mind's eye follows the voice and perceives the black bird. It is the same black bird that accompanied you on your journey. The voice has a hint of remorse, edging apologetic. ]

For you, I would have granted the gentlest end... If only you asked.

[ You all may respond to this comment individually. ]

[allomantic]

[she's very quiet, for a while. is this the end? people have come back from these adventures even after sustaining fatal blows, but this seems calm, quiet. there's no pain. couldn't she stay here, just for a while?

have you not suffered enough?

but, even with the suffering, she...]

...Can you take me back? Back to them?

[disestablishment]

Why?

[ The black bird comes with grey wisps that circle its little feathery body which increase, running rampant before it unveils not a monster, but an exact copy of Vin herself. The difference is this one is grey, completely monochrome.

It was always her voice. ]

We will only be hurt.

[allomantic]

[she gazes at this form of herself, colorless and safe, but...]

...I know.

[every week, it happens. little wounds piling up as more people leave or get hurt in front of her. but all that being said, the simple truth of it is, for her, as much as she sometimes wishes this were not the case:]

It hurts more to be alone. I want to see them.

[disestablishment]

When it ends, we won't feel alone. We won't feel anything. We will have peace.

[ And so forth in this black expanse, the scene earlier is recreated for them to watch in third person. This is the blazing camp where Vin was fighting off the large dragon to help the soldiers who are protecting the wounded. In the adrenaline, the rush of blood, the desire to be useful—to do good with the hands that have taken—she doesn't see Atsushi's body on the cold blanket of snow.

But they can see it here. They can see him, pallid and gone, with fire having scorched one side of his face and the rest of his body. This doesn't end here... The scene flickers to execution.

The execution where she ended his life. The fireworks go off in the distance, illuminating them as they watch.

"...I like you. I like you a lot. I just...never thought I had the right to say anything before now." ]

We won't need to hurt anymore.

[allomantic]

[well.

she watches for a few moments, horrified, before dropping down silently and placing her hands in her face.]

Stop it...! Stop it, I—!

[she looks back up towards herself, though, furious.]

That's why we have to go back! I have to help him live! I won't let your weakness stop me, so take me back!

[disestablishment]

It is our weakness. Those who accept us die.

[ And a new scene shows...

This time is Falcon's Nest where Kashuu and herself are running to the Manacutter. The smoke obscures the sight until the shining arrow of light pierces through the smog. Instead of Haurchefant being there, she can clearly see it is Yasusada blocking the blow with the shield he was given.

Vax tells her to go, helping Yasusada keep the arrow from sniping Kashuu and Vin...

But he, too, dies. ]

[allomantic]

[she's blinking back tears as she watches this, but her determination isn't fading. her anger is only growing, and it's a shrill yell when she responds.]

You will not taunt me like this, and I will leave this place!

[disestablishment]

[ This Vin yells at her. ]

We are here because we want to be here!

[ The next scene is with Kelsier... His madness in Ishgard in front of a city-state built by nobility, mostly for nobility. He is himself and yet not himself, but still he loved her dearly. If he had a daughter—it would be her, wouldn't it? They watch as he is actually so close to escaping, he even considers to come sweep and take Kashuu and Vin away from the knights. His care for her, at his moment, is stronger than his bloodlust for nobles. But then something unexpected happens.

His whole body transforms into one of the Lisa Frank monsters... And he begins attacking the innocent people he would vow to protect. Civilians. Commonfolk. His end is one she hasn't seen, since she was taken away, but now she can witness how these knights kill him. He's beheaded, like the innocents made examples of in Vin's home.

This is just a sad black void, but in Vin herself she can hear a voice. It brings her warmth.

"You're going to do great things, Vin. Never doubt that you're capable."

Don't lose hope. ]

[countermeasures]

I don't want a gentle end at someone else's hands.

[jiuqing's voice is shaking as she stares down at her hands. they're bloodied - both with her own injuries and with the countless lives she'd taken in ishgard, under the influence of... whatever that was, whatever had twisted her into that worst version of herself.]

Whether I suffer or not, how I live, how I die... that's up to me and no one else. Send me back. I don't want your mercy.

[disestablishment]

[ The bird is quiet... But then grey wisps appear on it. They circle its little feathery body which increase, running rampant before it unveils not a monster, but an exact copy of Jiuqing herself. The difference is this one is grey, completely monochrome.

It was always her voice. ]

It would be a mercy for us.

[countermeasures]

No, it wouldn't.

[she puts her hands together, as if lacing her fingers together and holding them tightly will keep her hands from shaking.]

It would just be an ending. There are still people waiting for us. I want to see them again. Don't you?

[disestablishment]

... To hurt again?

[ And then for Jiuqing, the scene that is shown in this black expanse is her mother's room. It is just a memory that Jiuqing overcame already, but they both watch this scene together where she enters the room to greet her mother so desperately, intrinsically begging for her mother to stay.

But her mother, in this timeline, will not be able to oblige her. She passes, not peacefully, but in pain. ]

We may be older, wiser, but that pain does not stop. [ The seal on the dragon trials unlock. Bit by bit, the loops starts filling in her. ] It will never stop, for we may have to repeat another life. We will struggle and suffer all over again.

[countermeasures]

[she tastes bile, as she watches her mother's death play out.

...but she's lived through that. she's changed it. the loops play out, over and over, but she knows it doesn't have to stay that way.]

It can get better. [her voice shakes.] We can make it better. I'm not... I won't give up on that. I can't.

[disestablishment]

We can make it better, but life will always make it worse.

[ And with that, the scene flickers to Ysayle shielding Jiuqing from Nidhoggstinien. Except, in her place, it is her two best friends Yujiao and Ying.

It isn't a distanced view, but one upfront to watch how they both do their best against a man possessed by a dragon. They hold their own, looking as confident as they can, even though they know there is no way to win. Jiuqing watches as Yujiao falls, blood pooling her clothes, then Ying beside her.

They look at each other, smiling with tears in their eyes as they reach out for the other's hand. Before they can even receive this comfort, Nidhogg would swallow them whole. ]

We cannot control it.

[countermeasures]

Stop it!

[her voice is a little shrill, and there are tears in her eyes - it hurts to watch this, but more than anything, it makes her angry.

how dare this place use her friends against her like this?]

They're not here. There are no dragons in Daxing. They're safely at home, waiting for me, and I will not let you stop me from going back to them!

[disestablishment]

They will not be safe forever! And will we go on that journey again to save them?!

[ And then another piece of the dragon trials unlock... It is Chang Geng. This is the trial where she would experience the loops of killing and be killed, after the soft moment where he would tell her his appreciation for her company.

It's still paved in blood, in fear, and it is something she will remember too vividly. The black residue painting her skin and clothes? Blood. ]

We are here because we want to be here!

[ But there is a voice and it brings her some comfort, some warmth.

"Whatever you've been through, whatever was done that's touched these memories, well... I would be... honored to make more with you."

Do not lose hope. ]

[slashay]

[This is familiar to him.

He's died once before, after all - a death for a sword, a spirit, a deity, and not a human. There was no soft, golden light to embrace him after the flames of dismantlement faded. There was only a vast expanse of nothing. Silence. Loneliness. His fractured conscience, which could only recall glimmers of light and regret.

He finds that he doesn't terribly mind returning to this darkness that he's known so well and for so very, very long. After the agonies of the last few hours, it feels like a reprieve, somehow. ...But at the same time, as he perceives this bird, he can't help but feel a flare of anger.

"What does grief look like for you?"

"Like a dream you can't wake up from. ...No. I think it just looks like living."

He speaks with the mouth he doesn't have.]

Being alive is just like that. You struggle and you suffer. It's not in any sword's fate to meet a gentle end.

[He accepts this.]

[disestablishment]

[ The bird is quiet... But then grey wisps appear on it. They circle its little feathery body which increase, running rampant before it unveils not a monster, but an exact copy of Kashuu himself. The difference is this one is grey, completely monochrome.

It was always his voice. ]

It can end.

[slashay]

[This doesn't help his anger at all because there is no one Kashuu dislikes more than himself, especially right now, god bless.]

It won't.

[He says it with the air of crisp finality that he can dredge up at times, speaking to his age and his place in a pantheon of gods. A creature beyond humanity, who oversees and lives among them all at once.]

Life will always push forward, in good ways and in bad ways.

[disestablishment]

There is more bad than good. We've seen it.

[ This Kashuu says it as fact, cold and without emotion. It's the gaze of a sword who has seen too many battles, a sword who has lost too many people. He raises a hand and they're taken back to the scene at the end of their first dragon fight.

Watching the scene together in third person, they watch Kashuu chase after Kanesada. Except, they draw closer to the sword being chased. These are his moments before Kashuu found him in the snow.

Kanesada, full of so much unsettled rage and sorrow, finds the dragon that took kunihiro's life. He was victorious, but it didn't bring the waki back. The sword in his hand rattles as he bites back the words, these are the words that should be condemned by the Touken Ranbu. The past is the past and they must look into the future.

"Bring him back... Bring him back!"

And Kanesada, knowing well Kunihiro will not return, starts carving this dragon corpse. Mutilating beyond recognition. He loses his mind, himself, and he is no longer Kanesada. ]

Is this living?

[slashay]

[...Well. They have, haven't they?

He's wanted to say things like this, too. Words that build up in the back of his throat, words that he pushes back with a vehemence, a violence. The life they lead is an unfair one. They were crafted and given no choice in any matter, and even after being granted human bodies, their fates are still miserable.

It's the same for many humans, in the end.

He hates this reflection just as much as what it shows him, just as much as he hates himself.]

You should know I hate pointless questions.

[Life is misery, and suffering, and grief. Maybe it does bring more bad than good.]

Why the hell d'you think it's up to you to end anything anyway, huh? Don't be so self-absorbed, it's not cute at all.

[disestablishment]

We are here because we want to be here, i-di-ot.

[ Kashuu copy is also a mean girl. It is him, after all.

They can bite at each other with words all they want, but the scene changes... It is Falcon's Nest with Haurchefant and Vax—but clearly it isn't Haurchefant anymore. It is Yasusada, holding the shield to block the incoming arrow of light that would surely snipe Kashuu and Vin. They watch as the shield breaks, the arrow crosses through.

Yasusada dies.

He dies with a smile... But this Kashuu frowns at the sight because—they're not happy. Quickly, monochrome Kashuu turns to him and yells, clearly upset and emotional watching Yasusada die. ]

I am saying the things you want to say!

[slashay]

[HE'S NEVER BEEN LESS CUTE THAN HE IS IN THIS MOMENT AS A MONOCHROME VERSION OF HIS REGULARASS MEAN SELF.

It hurts him to see that, too, even know it's not-- real. But it could have been, and it nearly was, and he does hate so very, very badly that people continue to endanger themselves for his sake. Does he really want to be here, away from everyone he loves, because he's that afraid of hurting or being hurt again and again? Is he that much of a coward?

There's no one here to lash out at but himself, so he does.]

Well, shut up and stop saying them, then—!! I don't wanna hear it!

[disestablishment]

STOP TELLING US TO SHUT UP, UGLY! We are hurting! There is no happiness without end!

[ And this one... It is Okita. This scene where it should be Aymeric fighting the monsters and dragons alone, worried for his people, it flickers to show it's Okita with a smile. In his hand is a unworthy sword, one from Ishgard, but he makes use of it.

He kills, he saves, and he's living for it even if he must pause to cough up blood. The disease... It's catching up to him now, but then he locks his gaze onto someone he thinks is familiar. It's a pretty, small and cute boy. It reminds him of his sword which he doesn't have.

... He misses his swords.

Without thinking, Okita casts cover onto Kashuu and takes the damage for him. He was already on the edge and now this is his end. ]

No one can love us forever! Why live?!

[ But then there's a voice... It's a familiar voice that comes to Kashuu. It gives him warmth, it ushers him on.

"I love you. I'm here. We're here."

Don't lose hope. ]